(That dog wasn’t always that ugly. He just loved it too hard.)

February – Chris Brown, five years younger than me and nailing one of the noted symbols of beauty in recent American culture, took the term literally when he nailed her all over the face with his fist. The fact that you are a rapper means you get several privileges, like carrying guns to nightclubs and having copious amounts of weed in the vicinity of a grade school, but man-law says you are still a scumbag if you hit women under any circumstances. Fortunately, the system has set its precedents when it comes to convicting celebrities and Chris Brown will serve no real jail time. In all fairness, how can you let every other celebrity off with a wrist-slap, and impose any kind of justice on Chris Brown? What kind of message would that be sending? Simply because the victim was another celebrity? Frankly, becoming as high profile as Rhianna has become comes with its own stipulations, and you have to abide by the unstated contract. Specifically, if you are a celebrity, another celebrity can kill you with impunity. The poor justice system has never had to deal with anything this grotesque, and with the victim actually still alive to tell the tale! Ted Kennedy and OJ were so much easier. Well done, Chris Brown. You played the game by the rules, and your scumbaggery is to be saluted!