(It is also a fact that they will steal your woman. Ask Tasha Yar [nerd reference], they’re programmed for cuckoldry too.)

You can start marinating yourself in A1 and pounding yourself with a meat mallet, because it turns out the paranoid nutbags who predicted a robot Holocaust were right. And the robots will be hungry. A recent foxnews.com article rather cavalierly states that:

“A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find — grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.”

Hasn’t anyone in the Pentagon seen The Matrix? Why do we seem hell-bent on speeding toward the very dystopian future our most demented minds (science fiction writers) have been inventing for more than half a century?

Weeks ago, there was no reason to panic. Technology was our bitch, and we were slaves to it only in the sense that we felt lost without our Iphones if we left them on the charger all day. Now we’ve got robots that, in the absence of anything better to eat, and with an imperative to survive as strong as our own, will not hesitate to kill for sustenance. I guarantee you it will be easier for them to just consume us than construct a constly and entirely inefficient Kentucky Fried Chicken Factory. I also guarantee you that, if they don’t have tastebuds now, they will, and humans (who taste mostly like pork, don’t ask how I know) will be far more appetizing than “old furniture.” This is the most ludicrously bad idea I can imagine; one that puts us one stoner programmer mistake away from a Twighlight Zone proportioned “all u can eat buffet” ironic twist.

“It’s a good thing these Americans were so gluttonous in their heyday, Unit 407.”

“Yes, the fatty shanks make for a rich reduction.”

Submitted for your approval, Rod Serling: nom nom fucking nom.

And what happens when the Ed Wood nightmare culture we birthed into this world develops agriculture?

(I’m not a chef, but send me your corrections anyways. Also, as you can see, i ganked that first pic, from here. Don’t sue me don’t sue me don’t sue me.)