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Tag Archives: united states
What Did You Do With Your Day?
A blind activist was arrested in China, apparently because his guide dog is a dick and led the poor bastard to believe he had been led almost anywhere other than China. You think protesting in Iran is tough, check this out: you can be arrested in China for even petitioning the government. The guy had two choices. He could accept his position and hang out sewing Jordans for American kids during the day, and cap it off with a twelve hour shift of mining gold in Warcraft. OR, he could evade a bunch of 24/7 guards, scale a fucking wall, and hitch a ride to Beijing to get some sweet sweet asylum in the American embassy, single-handedly making Hilary Clinton’s life a million times more difficult than it already was, being a woman and all. Oh, yeah, and this one man pissed off the Chinese government so much he got a buttload of words banned from Chinese internet – – words like, I shit you not, ‘blind man’ and ‘The Shawshank Redemption.’ The guy is a super-hero. Which begs the question, how bad must sighted prisoners all over the world feel that a blind guy was able to do what literally 99.5% of them are unable to accomplish? I mean, what is it about our prisoners that is keeping them from getting out of what is arguably the worst situation anyone can possibly be in? Oh. I guess if they focused some of the attention they devote to having sex with each other to the pursuit of freedom, they might be able to do almost as much as one blind Chinese guy. But hey, if you care more about non-consensual gay sex than freedom…
Careful, They Might Be Watching You Read This
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean the Vatican isn’t conducting a clumsy shadow war against the United States. Seriously, judging by the color coded yarn connecting newspaper articles across my bedroom walls, there have been a few too many kooky coincidences for my overactive imagination to simply dismiss like so much Costa Rican hooker. Just just just just look. Look at this news from Kansas, where Republicans are advancing a bill that would legalize discrimination and bullying of homosexuals in that state, so long as it is done for religious reasons. But that isn’t really the news, is it? Republicans have been playing chicken with blatantly medieval laws since Obama took office, kind of playing keep-away with the Bill of Rights. That’s just the cover story, the part to keep your impotent moral outrage diverted from the puppeteers: “…one of the sponsors of this bill is the Kansas Catholic Conference.” (Addicting Info) I was never familiarized with the semantics of passing bills, but sponsoring? Like a pizza joint sponsors a pee-wee soccer team? Do they get to just slap a crucifix right on the law so that everyone who reads it starts watering at the mouth for Christ? Or are they just signing their names to the preliminary paperwork to go ahead and influence policy directly, without paying us? Whatever. If you think this is an isolated incident, you have been playing right into the hands of the MAN. You’re blind, man, you’re bliiiiind. Check out Arizona, where a law was just defeated that would have made contraception harder to get for working women, and would have severely violated their privacy in that very personal regard. Dance, lonely goatherd, dance! The Republican-sponsored bill is supported by social conservatives and Roman Catholic bishops who say it protects the religious freedom … Finish reading this sumbitch!
All Up In Your Foxhole
Western Christians refuse to admit it, but the idiot aphorism spouted relentlessly by bumper-sticker retards concerning atheists in foxholes has been thoroughly debunked, and they know it. So they have to come up with something else you can’t do as an atheist – – besides, of course, keep a straight face in church. A friend told me his cousin did it once, but it smacks of the whole “pink sock” story that everyone has a friend who knows somebody to whom it has happened. Anyway, the meaningless drivel void needed filling, and the new article “No Nurse Is an Atheist” is just the caulk to do it. Author Christina Feist-Heilmeier, RN, a thirty-plus year veteran of nursing (if you’re so smart, how come you never became a doctor, huh?), posits that it is impossible to be an atheist and a nurse at the same time. Kind of like chewing gum and doing your mom from behind. Christina Hyphenation says she has known hundreds of nurses, and not one of them has been an atheist. Perhaps it is because they’re scared shitless she’d have them killed to maintain her wildly unrealistic philosophy. Perhaps it is because she lives in Utah or Arkansas. Perhaps she’s one of those assholes that hands out fliers and tries to ‘save’ all those who don’t believe as she does, and nobody bothers discussing it with her. Speaking of which, who do you suggest a nurse pray to when she can’t find a vein, or accidentally put turkey gravy in the IV drip? (as if he didn’t smell the pew polish all over this…) Nurses from any faith do better for themselves and for their patients by actively practicing their faith. The Muslim nurse strives to be a better Muslim. The Hindu nurse strives to be a … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Hardcore Hypotheticals
When I cast my vote for Barack Obama, I admit to a certain amount of bandwagoning, and not a little political masturbation. I imagined our fresh, young, muscly president mounting the podium in Congress on his first day and proceeding to rip assholes left and right, like a blind Incredible Hulk at an orgy. Against gay marriage? “You’re a curmudgeonly old bigot,” Barry would lay it out, street like, and fix the bullshit laws. Slave to lobbyists? “You’re a friggin’ traitor, and your votes won’t count until you shed the corporate weight.” Just firing off the shocker left and right with his other two arms. Are you drafting laws in the face of scientific fact like global warming and evolution? “Hey, from now on, asshole, we listen to experts, and not greedy dumbfucks with something to gain.” Spewing hyperbolic, partisan doomsday language on either side of the isle? “I order you to smoke two joints a day until you learn to calm the fuck down.” The big climax would come when he said, “Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean it deserves any credence.” Just splooging rationalism all over the front rows of the gallery like the sexiest Gallagher show ever. Money shot. Sometimes, if I had trouble getting to philosophical nirvana, I’d have him throw in something about how European Socialism is pretty neat, and that, no, in fact, he’s not a Muslim, he’s an atheist. “Can’t do nothin’ about it now, sucka. I already got the keys!” Since then, even though pundits love to call Obama a radical secular leftist with no concern for process, he’s been everything but what we elected him to be. If you seriously think Obama is radical, you should see the alternate universe where he actually did what we hired him to … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Here’s Your Award For Not Trying To Kill EVERYBody
They just don’t show the best awards on TV. Remember that Bush guy, president for 8 years, started that whole Iraq war with the help of his cabinet, former governor of the state that proudly puts more prisoners to death than the rest of the civilized world combined? In October of this year, 2009, “The Humanity of the Unborn Child Pro-Life Award… was given to the former President ‘in recognition of [his] resolve and initiatives in the protection of human life,’” says LifeSiteNews.com, who thinks that is a reasonable thing to do. The award means nothing, in the long run. For one, it was given in Canada, the land of funny names like Saskatoon and Saskatchewan, so it doesn’t even count. So there’s no real reason to get your panties in a bunch over the monstrous hypocracy inherent in this situation. And Bush really was solid for eight years of presidency on his stance to keep abortion illegal, so by definition he certainly does qualify for the award. The article even points out that “the pro-life group acknowledged that many are wary of or even scoff at the claim that President Bush was a ‘pro-life’ president, given his role in initiating the Iraq war,” before promptly claiming that civilian casualties of war, while a real bummer, are not nearly as bad as abortions. It’s all very justifiable, when you contort it painfully the right way. And really, doesn’t the school bully deserve to get Student of the Month because he stauchly refused to beat the other kids up until they were actually enrolled in the school and had something to lose?