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Tag Archives: twitter
Thank God That’s Over
(Oh, no! He caught the Bono Disease down there. That is the face of abject suffering.) “Gosh, wasn’t the situation in the Chilean mines such a tragedy? I mean it was so tragic, you know? God, they were in my prayers and my Facebook status, one hundred and ten per cent. Really, I just thank GAWD they’re alright.” Wear a fucking rubber bracelet. Jeezus. I’m glad the miners are safe so I can stop listening to people be so fucking fake about it. I’ve never seen more Americans take credit for something they had nothing to do with in my life. Like it was Katie from Long Island’s prayers that rescued the trapped miners and not, you know, the people that got them out. And the Facebook statuses! “21 of 23 miners are out!” Thanks? We all have basic cable, we could know that if we cared. You act like you were personally Rapunzeling them up with a ladder made of your own pubic hair. Thanks for the societal contribution, Mary, get back to your Farmville. NASA can take it from here. In its most devious trick yet, FOX News pissed me off more than usual by showing nothing else while the miners were being rescued. As if they might not make it out if the cameras weren’t catching every breathtaking moment of… people milling around. How am I supposed to bitch and whine about every word you say if you don’t say anything, FOX News? I hate you so much, FOX News. Seriously, though? This was the emergency we’re all going to rally around and trend on Twitter? There are genocides and clitorectomies in Africa, pregnant women are being fucking stoned in the Middle East! People are getting stoned and paying for sex legally in Amsterdam, and we can’t! … Finish reading this sumbitch!
This Man Is A Teacher
My dearest Tom Hoopes: I first encountered your work when a Catholic friend of mine pointed me toward an article in which you speak briefly about Christopher Hitchens, a great hero of mine who recently passed away. It was condescending as all get out, but it was chock full of underhanded compliments, and seemed to be relatively thoughtful. It is, of course, gratifying to see a great American champion of humanist ideals remembered fondly by members of the non-secular class, so I decided I might read some more of your work. The first article I read was entitled “Six Myths About Atheism,” and I have to say, the title excited me, because I assumed you were a man of thought, and perhaps you’d be spending your time dispelling some of the myths that are propagated amongst the religious about non-believers. The article turned out to be the epitome of those very lies: a carelessly thought out bigoted bit of blatant propaganda, a brainwashing tool to keep the hate for atheists alive among the religious. My first thought was of completely ignoring it. After all, ignorance abounds in your community, trying to change one mind in the sea of under-used brains you call a church leaves one feeling impotent and frustrated. As my beautiful wife put it, quoting someone else: “Never argue with an idiot. They´ll drag you down to their level, and beat you with experience.” On the other hand, several of my friends and readers across Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, etc. expressed concern that I said that all of your points were entirely wrong, your research was ass-on-fire, and your intentions were entirely malicious, so I decided that I might address your points and show you why you’re an untalented, proselytizing asshole. After all, even you said in your article … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Seriously, You Guys
My minions, you are incredible, the very axiom of scumbaggery. Scumbag Style has been doing wonderfully, with something like a 700% jump in traffic (considering the average) just today. So, fuck ya. But the rest of you miscreants… damn. Those that aren´t regular followers or readers come to the site by mistake, through search engine searches. I record those search terms that bring you lowlifes to me. Here are some of those searches that brought some of you here this week: girls pussy seal 2 bbc the turn of the shrew 1 free porno of sister brother niece and uncle cock suckin festival 1 meno racism 1 tony clement twitter town hall tbs 1 kathy griffin santa bikini 1 “endless cunnilingus” 1 temptation to violent sex movies free sexy 1 butch styleconundrum 1 college fuck fest ebony girl 1 girls for fucking in delhi 1 Two?? Two people went huntin´ for “girls pussy seal” and both ended up here? You must have been damned disappointed. Really, we have nothing to worry about. The only item in that grocery list of Rob Zombie´s most thrilling nightmares is “kathy griffin santa bikini.” Those terms can only led you to water, they can´t make this an incestuous “cock suckin festival.” Though I do approve of keeping that stuff to oral. You get retard babies, you go any farther. We never apologize, but we can make this prediciton: we are going to have to up the Scummy if we are going to cater to the wonderfully decadent filth that bangs about these internets we all share. You guys are worthless pieces of shit, and we want you to know you will always have a home here. … and for fuck´s sake, like us on facebook, or you´re going to tinkerbell us the hell out … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Illuminti Freshness, Santic Bitches
The last thing Scumbag Style wants to do is get all serious and misty-eyed, so we´ll keep this brief. Christopher Hitchens – author, philosopher, great thinker, one of the most important primates to walk this Earth in the past century – has finally succumbed to esophageal cancer. He´s an inspiration to many of the writers here, his thoughts crudely replayed across our pages for the sake of intelligent dick jokes. The world will miss his influence, his humor, his articles and books, and his “Hitchslaps” greatly… if not now, then very soon, as he predicted. Also, proving Hitchens entirely correct, the ugliness of your average Christian (that´s right, I said it) reared its celebratory head the moment Vanity Fair broke the news. Seriously, go check out hashtag #godisnotgreat on Twitter right now. I will wait (here´s a few for you impatients): via @jes3ica What a tribute! Scrumptious irony packaged in a flaky crust of pure, violent ignorance. Whilst threatening horrific violence to all who retweeted #GodIsNotGreat, Christians across the globe had no clue that God Is Not Great is the title of Hitchens´ famous book linking religion with violence and ignorance (ignorance like not knowing one of the most important books of your lifetime). Its all over Facebook and junk, too, and these are just some of the funniest, not the really creatively violent ones. Believing in God may also include the awesomeness of Hell Sandwiches and slug guns, but it definitely does not include grammar lessons in the basic package. And my goodness do the Godly like their elipses (that´s the “dot dot dot” for you religious minded). Say, you know how atheists are always sending death threats to Christians for expressing their views? Exactly, and that´s what Hitchens was getting at. There are good men and there are … Finish reading this sumbitch!