Stick It:
Twatted
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Compromise Is A Four Letter Word http://t.co/V5KNn11L 1 day ago
- Me Meme. Memememe. ME! OH MY GOD LOOK AT ME! http://t.co/Gfb4znY7 3 days ago
- Family dynamics in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles http://t.co/LI9LglV8 3 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Illuminti Freshness, Santic Bitches http://t.co/HerydZKD 5 days ago
- RT @XoXo_Carrie: #FF @nikkacostia @Alabama_Shakes @BabyBash @mechrt @SwiftStump @scumbagstyle @barelysarcasm 6 days ago
Tag Archives: texas
Success!
By the frigging sweet grace of the Great and Powerful OZ Almighty, and the awesome power of prayer so hard it looks like constipation, The First Baptist Church of Dallas has managed to raise the money it so desperately needed. Times may be lean in America, but the Lord takes care of his own, granting the Church the pants-crappingly huge sum of One Hundred and Fifteen Million (115,000,000) bones. Praise Him! Don’t spend it all in one place, you guys. In fact, we should think of all kinds of ways to spend this money that would best exemplify the Christian God’s compassion, generosity, beneficence – – A Dallas megachurch is imploding four buildings Saturday morning to make way for a $115 million campus. (Christianpost) Exactly! A consecrated, tax-exempt upgrade, something to showcase the oft-ostentatious “glory of God,” as Pastor Robert Jeffress puts it. Those four buildings He provided us were great and all, but their, I dunno… smallness? oldness? Whatever it was really distracted people from worshiping. And really, did you expect Patricia to kneel down in her smart new pantsuit whilst surrounded by so much dusty, homespun ’90s humdrum? Crisis averted, Lord. Thank you. Tell me more! Will there be seats? Crosses? Reportedly the largest church expansion program in modern history, the 1.5 million-square-foot campus will include a new 3,000-seat worship center, a six-floor education building, recreation areas, a sky bridge made of glass, a fountain with a water tower topped by a cross and a parking garage. A homeless shelter, an orphanage, a soup kitchen, a refuge for those hit hardest by the failing economy, a business that would provide the community with jobs – – Oh, none of that? Well, you can’t have everything. $115 million (one hundred and fifteen million dollars) could save a parishioner or … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Mark 13:6*
(In his game this week against the Patriots, Tebow threw for 136 yrds, hence the Biblical title. It was enough to get him a mere trouncing and just shy of getting the holy shit kicked out of him. Christians will contend that numbers only apply to Bible verses when they say so.) You guys, you guys. Either Jesus told Tebow to go screw himself this week or the inimitable New England Patriots are too awesome for God to handle. Perhaps both. What we do know is that Tim Tebow was soundly Old Yellered by history’s greatest QB. But that’s not the wacky part! Take a look at Tom Brady’s stats for this week’s Divisional Playoff game against The Broncos, Tim Tebow, and the pantheon of saints (not those Saints, dummy), angels, archangels, and lesser minions of God. If you take his Completion % and multiply it by his AVG, then subtract his total yards, then add his QB rating for the game, then add his TDs and (just to be fair) subtract one for his interception… Guess. Just guess. Or do the math, but that would be stupid because I’m going to tell you. 596.* * That is the very page Dumbledore died on in The Half-Blood Prince! (If that was a spoiler for you, well then maybe it shouldn’t take you 7 years to read a childrens’ book) Do you know what this means??? I mean, really? Neither do I. It could mean Snape did some awesome dark magic and made Brady have his best game of the season in a must win against those smug internet Xtian bitches of the previous week; it could mean the richest woman in Great Britain had some money on the game and had inside men; or it could mean fucking nothing because, … Finish reading this sumbitch!