Yes. Yes. And your shoes, too...

Where’s the “Are you out of your fucking mind?” button? That’s what I thought when I was directed to the first of many polls wondering if I would turn over my Facebook password to a potential employer, if asked to do so at an interview.

Forgetting for the moment that the average person uses the same three or four passwords for all of their crap online, from JDate to Bank of America, and is therefore vulnerable on multiple fronts when handing out their passwords, there is no conceivable way this is advisable.

Not only not advisable, it is straight up illegal.

The legality of the practice is questionable, and states such as Illinois and Maryland are considering legislation to forbid it. Giving someone your Facebook login information is a violation of the site’s terms of service, and the Department of Justice considers it a federal crime to enter social media sites in violation of terms of service — although recent congressional testimony indicates that such violations would not be prosecuted, AP noted. (HP)

Nope, just illegal. Jeezus, why do we have to have a semantic debate every time a piece of testicle-scrunching news reaches the general public? This isn’t your pathetic little Oprah worshipping book club where you can sit around and wonder whether some fictitious bitch from New Orleans was right to drown herself, leaving her kids orphaned. There are real, actual laws on the books about it. If you hand over your electronic passwords to an employer, you are both breaking the law. Just like if you hand over your little boy to a priest for some good Catholic rapin’, you are both breaking the law.

Just who the hell do these employers think they are? I’ll tell you who. They know the world of the comfortably employed has 12% of the country in a ball vice, and they are the only thing standing between gainful employment and your fucking kid starving to death. They know that, if you keep your head and say, “Go to hell,” the next candidate will be that much more desperate to work a seventy hour week for a $300 check. Might as well tack on, “Oh, and hey, you know you’re going to have to blow me, right?” to the end of the interview. The next candidate always walks out with rug burns.

 Ari Lightman, distinguished service professor, digital media and marketing, and director of the CIO Institute at Carnegie Mellon University, said the practice may be surprising but is in many ways understandable – - (information week thanks Michael Schenck)

- – Aaaaand we don’t need to hear any more from that guy. “Conceivable”? yes. “A nightmare scenario likely to come about because we are all just slightly more evolved predators in business suits”? absolutely. But “understandable”? Breeder, please. The Raiders signing Carson Palmer was an understandable mistake. Making the first Spider-Man movie with Tobey Maguire was an understandable attempt to exploit a cherished character for money. Making the next two was unforgivable. Asking for a person’s prívate information when you enjoy a position of power over them is called extortion. It is understandable like cancelling Arrested Development was understandable. Better break out your firing stick, Carnegie Mellon. One of your professors doesn’t know what understandable means.

Frost & Sullivan’s Wengroff suggests a middle ground: “I would agree to walk a recruiter through my Facebook page that I signed in to, but I would not hand over the password,” he said.

... and you must submit to anal cavity checks every morning at the security gates...

 

See, you are what we call “part of the problem,” Wengroff. Would you give your potential employer a guided tour of your bedroom if he asked you for an hour alone in there? Down to your wife’s panty drawer? Because that’s what we’re talking about here. Everything an employer needs to know about you he can find out by ‘friending’ you. What he wants is your personal correspondence. And the bullshit line he gives about making sure you’re not doing anything illegal is as transparently false as a lie a fat guy tells his bitch wife on a shitty sitcom. He wants to know who you’re fucking, who you’re worshipping, and if you tell dick jokes under an assumed name on a blog. I’ll tell an employer about Scumbag Style if he asks, right down to the fact that one day I hope my shitty writing will pay the bills so I don’t have to sit behind a desk under his asshole thumb. But he can sit on the business end of an electrified rake if he thinks he gets admin access to my Tumblr.

Bottom line is, we don’t have to treat these things delicately. We don’t have to lower our eyes and shuffle our toes in the dirt like a four year old girl in an Easter dress when someone demands we strip ourselves naked for the basic human dignity of employment. We don’t have to treat all opinion equally, because most opinions are wrong. Very many of those wrong opinions come from people who don’t believe them at all, but hide a not-so-hidden agenda behind them. This usually happens when things are illegal. Ask a Republican if he’d let his wife’s vagina miss a doctor’s appointment. Ask Nickelback, under the influence of some truth serum, if they would actually listen to their crap were they in our shoes. And ask these employers and college admission people if you can have their Facebook passwords, and see how they answer. Best case scenario, their sense of fairness overcomes them, and they agree. Then you can post links to gay porn all over his Wall and ask his wife nicely if she’ll let him give her a jelly doughnut.

Besides, everyone knows all the nasty shit happens on christiansingles.com.

For the sake of our nation’s unplanted waves of fertile uteri, responsible, concerned, white, male Congressmen decided last week to selflessly put aside the debt and unemployment issues they really wanted to be talking about, and focus on what really matters: baby makin’. The problem? We are not doing enough of it, and all these rubber gadgets and magic pills are not helping. Did you know condoms are sometimes made out of the skin of sheep? What’s next? Kitten intestine lampshades? I smell an unmissable opportunity for a Hitler comparison. Let’s watch:

Sandra Fluke, a student at Georgetown Law School, was supposed to be the Democratic witness at a Congressional hearing about the Obama administration’s contraception policy. However, Darrell “Sweet Mel” Issa, the committee chair at the hearing, prevented her from speaking, while only allowing a series of men to testify about the policy. (Huffpost, more or less)

Hunny, the men are talking. Steak and BJ Day (ladies) is right around the corner. Maybe you should be loosening your jaw, or practicing char vs. warm pinkness ratio (sweet, that actually works both ways). You can throw the practice steaks to homeless people if you want, hippie. We got you that nice sheer dressing gown for V-day. You liked that right? What the hell do women of child-bearing age even know about contraception anyway? God gave us male politicians so you don’t have to hurt yourself with thinking.

Your turn, Rushizzle. Tell the bitch.

“What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke [sic] who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex — what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex.” – Rush Limbaugh

Snnnnnap. Put that one in the Quotables book next to “Four Score and a Hundred Bimbos Ago.” Look, Rush wouldn’t be doing his job if he didn’t feed his brand of put-Howard-Stern-to-shame shock trutherificness. Still, a bunch of oversensitive liberal snatches had to take the bait and get all butt-hurt about some bitch they never even met.

Limbaugh then said, “ok, so she’s not a slut. She’s round-heeled.”

Oh, a Roundheel, eh? Cool it, daddy-o! You paper shaker from squaresville. Supposin´ I was to call you a cube. Now I´m all frosted. I have a mind to give you a bunch of fives!

Well, maybe he’s not a fat piece of shit. He’s feculently rotund.

I’m just joshin’ ya, Rush. Just because you’re a significantly out of touch old dude who’s made it with a bunch of bitches yourself doesn’t disinclude you from calling women who might  want to be safe having passion partners ‘sluts’ in a charming Cunningham manner. Beatnicks, too, amirite? You should be grateful he bothered to lift his commandingly journalistic walrus jowls from the pancake batter bowl long enough to amend the statement from the modernly offensive. That was a gift.

Despite Rush’s right – - dare I say it, his duty – - to voice the contents of his superior mind, I have to say he was perfectly right to be so charitable and amend his statement. College girls are at University to put out, so the young men can destress and focus as much as possible on their important studies. Cake making classes are there to give them something constructive to do while the latter occurs. So you can’t really call her a slut for not wanting to have a litter of bastard pups before she is married off.

Ms. Khadijah Baseer was arrested in Los Angeles in January on suspicion of prostitution. According to several men, Baseer had opened their car doors in the drive-thru lane at a McDonald’s, offering them oral sex in exchange for Chicken McNuggets. (News of the Weird)

“]

Do you even have the time for all that? Whatever happened to good old American FAST food?

Now that’s a slut. Paying attention, Limbaugh? Ain’t no babies coming out of blowies for McNuggets, just goopy fake-chicken diarrhea. I bet she’s not even intending to procreate. Well not properly anyway: you’ll notice the “Ms” prefix on Khath – - Kadjoak – - on her name.

That’s why I’m introducing the “Nuggets for Sluts Outreach Initiative.” Give the misguided young lady a McNugget, fella. There’s always that extra deformed one that decency and the hellish screams of your tortured stomach won’t allow you to finish anyway! If you’re feeling generous, dip into Wendy’s. It won’t cost you much, and they claim to use the pollo genuine article.

Don’t get me wrong, a hummer from a black chick is totally worth a box of McNuggets: they got them long snake tongues God gave ‘em for fornicating on the Ark. A curse and a blessing; the Lord works in mysterious ways. But is it worth the risk of breaking the law at the drive thru? Leave the greasy carboard remains of your dinner on the dresser like a decent whoremonger. Gosh.

“If I wanted the government in my womb,” the sign said in painted blue letters, “I’d fuck a Senator.” At the risk of offending some of her mostly male Republican colleagues, who recently voted to pass a controversial fetal personhood bill, Oklahoma Sen. Judy McIntyre (D), grabbed the sign and posed with it for photos. (Huffpost)

Just another slut who wants to get pounded hourly and dispose of the inconvenient, god-given consequence

I bet you would, Judy. I bet you would. Folks, I am providing you with the good Senator’s mailing address, because this is a woman in desperate need of nugget charity.

Senator Judy Eason McIntyre
2300 N. Lincoln Blvd., Rm. 429
Oklahoma City, OK 73105

At the very least, it will give her mouth something to do while the good ole boys decide how our mothers, sisters, and daughter may legally use their bodies.

I can´t speak for Captain Picard, but MY eyes are saying, "Really?"

My minions, you are incredible, the very axiom of scumbaggery. Scumbag Style has been doing wonderfully, with something like a 700% jump in traffic (considering the average) just today. So, fuck ya.

But the rest of you miscreants… damn. Those that aren´t regular followers or readers come to the site by mistake, through search engine searches. I record those search terms that bring you lowlifes to me. Here are some of those searches that brought some of you here this week:

girls pussy seal 2
bbc the turn of the shrew 1
free porno of sister brother niece and uncle cock suckin festival 1
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tony clement twitter town hall tbs 1
kathy griffin santa bikini 1
“endless cunnilingus” 1
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butch styleconundrum 1
college fuck fest ebony girl 1
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Two?? Two people went huntin´ for “girls pussy seal” and both ended up here? You must have been damned disappointed.

Really, we have nothing to worry about. The only item in that grocery list of Rob Zombie´s most thrilling nightmares is “kathy griffin santa bikini.” Those terms can only led you to water, they can´t make this an incestuous “cock suckin festival.” Though I do approve of keeping that stuff to oral. You get retard babies, you go any farther.

We never apologize, but we can make this prediciton: we are going to have to up the Scummy if we are going to cater to the wonderfully decadent filth that bangs about these internets we all share. You guys are worthless pieces of shit, and we want you to know you will always have a home here.

… and for fuck´s sake, like us on facebook, or you´re going to tinkerbell us the hell out of existence!