Stick It:
Twatted
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: No Apologies, Spacey. You Messed Up Good. http://t.co/X9xNZ9ew 2 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Go To Towns: Indiana Edition http://t.co/odpZX341 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Foreplay Involves Food In the Marsden Household http://t.co/tyxp88YF 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: It´s Christmas, I´m Busy... http://t.co/oEzCzKkL 2 weeks ago
- #itmakesmesmile when a brilliant 16 yr old girls make an entire community of adult Christians look like retards http://t.co/ScIzcHZw 2 weeks ago
Tag Archives: rape
Sexy Ed
By Ms Lori Hey there. My name is Lori, and I am here to take you to school. Yes, darling, I know you don’t want to go to school. There is just such a glut of elitist intellectual smarty-pants propaganda floating around this country, that we could all use a little less school and a little more common Bible sense. And not only that, book-learnin’ is so hard. So I thought that, as your teacher, maybe I could pop a few blouse buttons, put my finger in my mouth, and make you hard for education. Recent History 101 (If you know the story, you may skip this section, but I will be talking about my vagina, and it will be on the test. My vag, I mean. I dip it in red ink and leave a nice little lip hug for all my A students.)* I’d like to introduce you to Jessica Ahlquist. A lot of you may know her from the death threats you sent her and her family. Some of you may even remember promising to rape her, mostly from the safe, cowardly anonymity of the internet. Some of you have done it in person, in public, and for that I applaud you. For those of you who don’t know Jessica, she is female, like I totally am, and she is a sixteen year old high school student from Rhode Island. And she is an atheist, so her opinion doesn’t count. Still, Jessica is the newest champion of constitutional civil rights in the US, and many regard her as a hero. Just the excitement of her young age and her superior reasoning skills make my nips all hard. Go ahead, feel your screen. Can you feel that? I’m working on two semi-symmetrical avocado pits here. Nine months ago: … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Just Too Good
By Sean “It’s Only Funny When Someone Gets Hurt” Torrie I have read this article at least 2 times now, and from at least 4 sources. I… couldn’t find a version that wasn’t funny. This might say something of my own twisted sense of humor, or the abundant irony and happenstance, but it might be that as soon as I read the title of it I put this on before reading any version: Yea, leave that open and playing. Now get a look at this guy here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/22/man-misses-mouse-and-shoots-roommate-revealing-child-rapist/ . SHIT! You can’t even take the html seriously! Look at that shit! I am certain I’ve seen an entire episode of Workaholics like this! Even the reporter in this video is having trouble keeping a straight face though, so it can’t just be me! Let me try and get all of this in context, ok? Jim-Bob is sitting in the kitchen and sees ‘that gul-durn mouse’ again. He already has his gun on him, because I know you’re not getting up and leaving a room and expecting a mouse to not book off. Jim-Bob has had a few, but is still certain that shooting indoors at 2am when you’ve got 3 roommates is a good idea. He takes a shot at the mouse and manages to shoot his roommate in the chest! Through a wall. That’s better than how Houdini died, and it only gets more magical. Lets keep in mind that, through all of this, there’s one roommate that sleeps through the whole ordeal. That makes it all the better. He’s like the guy on the couch in Half-Baked. So… Lucky, we’ll call him Lucky, gets a bullet in the chest from the other room when his buddy missed while taking shots at Jerry Mouse. Meanwhile, a guy who looks eerily like … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Hate Never Felt So Good
(Keep in mind, I abegan writing this article before the outrageously amazing game on Sunday in which the Patriots schooled Tim Tebow and Christ Hisself. The shitty part is, Tebow actually showed up to play this week, like he hasn´t since I´ve been paying attention. The article still holds true, but feel free to add a heavy undertone of smug, poor-winnerishness to the voice you have in your head while reading this. Or get Chris Daughtry to read it aloud to you in bed. He must be out of work by now.) When Peyton Manning died, or was raped insensate by mutant squirrels, or whatever happened to him so that he couldn´t play anymore, I admit I felt a little lost. I wasn´t sure my NFL experience would be as full, as magical, as fulfilling as it was when I had a clearly defined antagonist. Someone to hate passionately, almost for no good reason except that it was fun to watch him fail. And he usually delivered. Manning was as key to my enjoyment of football as the Patriots ever were. Careful what you wish for, as your mom said before she bit my dick. Peyton is gone, and the void he left nigh unfillable – – What´s that? The NFL has a special gift just for me? On Tim Tebow, Peyton Manning´s douche-pants actually look a little tight. Tim Tebow who plays like shit for three and half quarters, then happily divvies up the credit for a squeak-by win between himself and his fucking god. I mean, this guy is a real piece of canine fecal matter. While he´s luxuriating on his knees on the side-lines, his team is busy cleaning up his mess and pulling out another against-the-odds win. He´d contribute more in that position as a team … Finish reading this sumbitch!