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Tag Archives: puerto rican
Hardcore Hypotheticals
When I cast my vote for Barack Obama, I admit to a certain amount of bandwagoning, and not a little political masturbation. I imagined our fresh, young, muscly president mounting the podium in Congress on his first day and proceeding to rip assholes left and right, like a blind Incredible Hulk at an orgy. Against gay marriage? “You’re a curmudgeonly old bigot,” Barry would lay it out, street like, and fix the bullshit laws. Slave to lobbyists? “You’re a friggin’ traitor, and your votes won’t count until you shed the corporate weight.” Just firing off the shocker left and right with his other two arms. Are you drafting laws in the face of scientific fact like global warming and evolution? “Hey, from now on, asshole, we listen to experts, and not greedy dumbfucks with something to gain.” Spewing hyperbolic, partisan doomsday language on either side of the isle? “I order you to smoke two joints a day until you learn to calm the fuck down.” The big climax would come when he said, “Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean it deserves any credence.” Just splooging rationalism all over the front rows of the gallery like the sexiest Gallagher show ever. Money shot. Sometimes, if I had trouble getting to philosophical nirvana, I’d have him throw in something about how European Socialism is pretty neat, and that, no, in fact, he’s not a Muslim, he’s an atheist. “Can’t do nothin’ about it now, sucka. I already got the keys!” Since then, even though pundits love to call Obama a radical secular leftist with no concern for process, he’s been everything but what we elected him to be. If you seriously think Obama is radical, you should see the alternate universe where he actually did what we hired him to … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Dollar Menu Racism
There seems to be a preponderance, among non-whites, of confusion as to how prefixes in names work vis-a-vis Irish vs. Scottish. Specifically in the arena of McDonald’s. It is not a “MacDouble,” as the black woman ahead of me in line today called it, but a “McDouble,” and so much is clearly laid out on their menu. There is no ‘a’ in “Mc.” I love the show “30 Rock,” but when Salma Hayek made such a big deal out of her favorite desert being the MacFlurry, I rankled just the slightest bit. She’s lucky she’s so hot. Some of you are not so lucky, and this seems to be happening more often than not. I don’t know if you know you’re doing it, but there is a very specific difference involved here. Ronald McDonald is Irish, man. The Irish are serving you the shitty, heat lamped foods. Think of it this way: when you are Puerto Rican and somebody cavalierly calls you Mexican, you get rather pissed off, no? And rightly so! I do not presume to equate fast food ordering with the vast cultural differences of our differing minorities, but some consideration could be employed. It’s not a coincidence that the restaraunt pimps its green milkshakes on St. Patrick’s Day, just by the way. Some apologists argue that these people should be forgiven because one of McDonalds’ menu items is called the Big Mac. How can you expect people to get it straight every time? At the very least these people can be forgiven for their conclusion. Nay, says I. First, sound out your words. Most words that have a hard ‘a’ sound say so in the word. Second, the ‘Mac’ in Big Mac is the subject of the phrase, not the prefixed racial addition. If you can’t … Finish reading this sumbitch!