Stick It:
Twatted
- First They Came For the Schnauzers… the Muslim war on dogs in Europe. http://t.co/XhYVVeRl 3 hours ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: No Apologies, Spacey. You Messed Up Good. http://t.co/X9xNZ9ew 3 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Go To Towns: Indiana Edition http://t.co/odpZX341 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Foreplay Involves Food In the Marsden Household http://t.co/tyxp88YF 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: It´s Christmas, I´m Busy... http://t.co/oEzCzKkL 2 weeks ago
Tag Archives: president
Afternoon Quickies: You Got Yer Jesus In My Peanut Butter Edition
… peanut butter meaning, of course, politics, football, and bananas. This here´s the Jesus Toaster, which we think is… just great. For the pittance of 35 smackers, you too can experience the miracle of His Divine Presence in foodstuffs normally reserved for the unwashed ignorants of Central and South America´s poorer countries. Every morning! Because in no way does the ability to recreate, at will, what used to be priceless manifestations of God´s love cheapen the experience. For you bulemics, the Tim Tebow version is set to be released soon, so you won´t even have to shove a finger down your throat to stay thin and toothless all year ´round. (Christian Post) Tenesseehas responded to teen bullying suicides by introducing a bill that would make it alright for school children to harass homosexuals, as long as they do it for Jesus. Kind of like a birthday present for the guy who literally has everything. The idea is that not being able to call a homosexual peer a faggot in school, or tell him he´s going to hell, is an infringement on the Christian student´s first amendment rights. This is another thing Scumbag Style can throw our whole weights behind. Cast those first stones, friends, because, on religious grounds, I think you´re a hopeless pile of elephant dooks whose ignorance is poisoning the very gene pool we all have to swim in, and if you were forcefully sterilized, the Earth itself would benefit, not to mention my invisible best friend who hates you inherently. Also, you have cooties. And I will say this in front of everyone you have to spend 12 miserable years of your life with. Then we´ll see who´s shooting up with his mom´s Windex and writing a wimpy tear-stained letter. (SMV Nashville) After last night´s frankly stunning … Finish reading this sumbitch!
… If You Want It
War is over, bitches! Happy Xmas! Seriously, World War II ended not 48 hours ago, and it all happened in my humble adoptive country, three blocks from where I live, in Costa Rica. Very exciting times down here, filled with diplomats, and The story seems to be that, during WWII, just like the rest of the allies, Costa Rica was all, ¨Yeah! Fuck those guys,¨and Hitler was like, ¨Blow those bitches up,¨like he did from time to time. And history might have been less kind to the tiny state had Hitler been able to actually find Costa Rica on a map before his notoriously short attention span made him say ¨screw it¨and the tiny Central American country was spared. Good thing too. I don´t know how much history you read, but the disposition of almost all of the other countries south of Mexico at the time was decidedly rape-and-pillage-y. And so, CR was able to live up to May 2011, happy in its relative obscurity and apparent invisibility powers until they elected a woman president and she ruined everything with her bleeding everywhere and her two hour hair and makeup routines. Costa Rica greeted Christian Wulff, the president of Germany, to a display of the best of San José’s cultural offerings Tuesday night. After a brief meeting between Wulff and Costa Rica President Laura Chinchilla in the early evening, the Cultural Ministry lit up the downtown National Theater with an impressive light and firework show, which was set to the backdrop of music provided by the National Symphony and several dance and song performances. (Tico Times) No! Chinchilla! Bad looks, babe. Seriously, the only thing that got CR through its shit talking in the 1940s, without being shoved wholecloth into a Vermont sized oven was the fact that Germans have no … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Here’s Your Award For Not Trying To Kill EVERYBody
They just don’t show the best awards on TV. Remember that Bush guy, president for 8 years, started that whole Iraq war with the help of his cabinet, former governor of the state that proudly puts more prisoners to death than the rest of the civilized world combined? In October of this year, 2009, “The Humanity of the Unborn Child Pro-Life Award… was given to the former President ‘in recognition of [his] resolve and initiatives in the protection of human life,’” says LifeSiteNews.com, who thinks that is a reasonable thing to do. The award means nothing, in the long run. For one, it was given in Canada, the land of funny names like Saskatoon and Saskatchewan, so it doesn’t even count. So there’s no real reason to get your panties in a bunch over the monstrous hypocracy inherent in this situation. And Bush really was solid for eight years of presidency on his stance to keep abortion illegal, so by definition he certainly does qualify for the award. The article even points out that “the pro-life group acknowledged that many are wary of or even scoff at the claim that President Bush was a ‘pro-life’ president, given his role in initiating the Iraq war,” before promptly claiming that civilian casualties of war, while a real bummer, are not nearly as bad as abortions. It’s all very justifiable, when you contort it painfully the right way. And really, doesn’t the school bully deserve to get Student of the Month because he stauchly refused to beat the other kids up until they were actually enrolled in the school and had something to lose?
Tyler Perry Is Tearing Us Apart!
People don’t watch Tyler Perry’s brand of chocolate milk-and-water bunkum, you say. Studios just keep producing his “films” and television programs because Perry keeps laying out scripts, they’re cheap to make, and nobody watches TBS before 11PM (or after 12, unless they want Lopez to not-funny them to sleep). They produce them because there’s this vague idea that’s captured our cultural subconscious that it is somehow racist not to, you say. At least its not “One On One” or “Homeboys In Outerspace,” or whatever that hysterically racist program was called. Black people don’t go into space, dude, for the same reason they don’t jump out of planes. They’re too smart to do that shit. You ever see a black family on a roller coaster? They’re freaking the fuck out because they are far more aware of their mortality than peroxide-haired thrill seekers. Anyway, you’d be wrong. About people not watching Tyler Perry. Black people actually eat that shit up, like its made entirely of deep womb orgasms and Maury Povich baby daddy reveals. As Samuel Chapman, third of his aristocratic name, attempts to point out above, this is without question entertainment not made for my pale ass. Black people feel a need to support things made just for them, and I get that. It’s why they unflappably support Obama, no matter how he personally screws the city they are living in, and puts their individual jobs in danger. On the surface, it is a solidarity thing. On the other hand, I do speak English, and I do follow the more interesting aspects of black culture, and I am definitely positive Tyler Perry is not funny. Most of it is retreads of relationship bullshit that was covered in mainstream, non-race biased media thirty years ago, and wasn’t even really comedically relevant … Finish reading this sumbitch!