Tag Archives: news

Me Meme. Memememe. ME! OH MY GOD LOOK AT ME!

By Sean “Criticizes Memes, Wears Stewie Griffin Tees” Torrie Unless you’re in middle school, which I could foresee of some of the readers of this site are, you can recall that subtle territory wherein the “everybody’s equal” mentality of kindergarten started to dissolve in favor of, ”Wait now. That more popular kid is getting far more attention from the suddenly appealing females,” or, “Hold up now. That nerdy weakling is doing far better than I am with his grades,”  or, “That… that kid dressed in black that’s both unpopular and of medium intelligence – that kid with openly neglectful parents that seems to be getting really, really into satanism and buying a small army’s worth of assault rifles – seems to have an awful lot of maps of the school.” At this point of your life you began to pick up on a sense of individuality, even if you chose to give up your burgeoning sense of independent thought in favor of more traditional or ‘normal’ ideas. You started developing your political ideals. Your sense of humor also blossomed. Humor that, if you’ve ever endured a conversation with me that was longer than 10 minutes, has become far more abstract than it was a few decades ago. Shit, I was in Williamsburg Brooklyn for the first time in my life last night, and if what I saw there wasn’t a dress code and lifestyle based on a maladapted sense of self-deprecating humor, then I have no idea what was going on. By some certain measure: ironic humor is clearly alive, if not unwell and malnourished there. I’m digressing because I need to mention that I loathe hipsters, but it’s not completely off topic. This particular episode of Southpark really highlighted the desperate need to be recognized that seems to be present in the your average … Finish reading this sumbitch!

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Just Too Good

By Sean “It’s Only Funny When Someone Gets Hurt” Torrie I have read this article at least 2 times now, and from at least 4 sources. I… couldn’t find a version that wasn’t funny. This might say something of my own twisted sense of humor, or the abundant irony and happenstance, but it might be that as soon as I read the title of it I put this on before reading any version: Yea, leave that open and playing. Now get a look at this guy here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/22/man-misses-mouse-and-shoots-roommate-revealing-child-rapist/ . SHIT! You can’t even take the html seriously! Look at that shit! I am certain I’ve seen an entire episode of Workaholics like this! Even the reporter in this video is having trouble keeping a straight face though, so it can’t just be me! Let me try and get all of this in context, ok? Jim-Bob is sitting in the kitchen and sees ‘that gul-durn mouse’ again. He already has his gun on him, because I know you’re not getting up and leaving a room and expecting a mouse to not book off. Jim-Bob has had a few, but is still certain that shooting indoors at 2am when you’ve got 3 roommates is a good idea. He takes a shot at the mouse and manages to shoot his roommate in the chest! Through a wall. That’s better than how Houdini died, and it only gets more magical. Lets keep in mind that, through all of this, there’s one roommate that sleeps through the whole ordeal. That makes it all the better. He’s like the guy on the couch in Half-Baked. So… Lucky, we’ll call him Lucky, gets a bullet in the chest from the other room when his buddy missed while taking shots at Jerry Mouse. Meanwhile, a guy who looks eerily like … Finish reading this sumbitch!

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Good Rockin´ Tonight

I also considered “Rocking With The M.D.M.A.,” but I wasn´t sure if a musical LL Cool J reference was a tad esoteric, now that he´s rockin that successful *snicker* television career *hic* on NCIS – – hahaha I´m sorry, I tried. The fact remains, I expected the kids to get an Elvis reference before a Cool J reference. Look back to when you were 12. Did you see that coming? (I am assuming you are the exact same age as me, deal) So I was reading this psychology journal, and – – what? I can´t read smart stuff? I got to get all my news from TMZ and Fox News? Eat a dick. Anyway, I found this while reading whatever it is you think I read it in. A number of people with high-functioning autism and Asperger’s Syndrome have reported improvements after taking MDMA outside of research contexts. MDMA shows promise for treating Autism Spectrum Disorders since the effects of MDMA that increase empathy and enhance communication are precisely the abilities that autism tends to degrade. MAPS is offering a grant of $10,000 for protocol development expenses for this pilot study. (MAPS) That being said: People my own age are assholes, I should have won the Best New Artist Grammy in 1996, why the hell are you crying? You really shouldn´t be writing this article, Mark… I genuinely can´t stop myself. Rrrrrruffles have rrrrrrridges. No. No! We eat the spaghetti before the salad. Fuck, now I´m crying. In 1979, Red Sox first baseman Bob Watson was 33 yrs old, played 84 games, had 347 plate appearances, 312 at bats, 48 runs scored, 105 hits, 13 home runs, 53 RBIs… do I have to continue with this? Gimme free legal X.

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