"My mommy says I can´t go over your house acuz it smells like a yeast infection."

Oh Bill Cosby. You have made a whole new type of child abuse possible. Thank you for that. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I don’t think Enrico Fermi had a cold war in mind when he built that nuclear reactor.

Now, I’ll be the first guy to say that I’m not a fan of Michelle Bachmann… No. No, that’s a lie. I’ll be one of many to say it. I’ll also say I think she might be crazy. Not fun-crazy either: “Did you invite her?” “No of course I didn´t, but she found out about the party so I had to say she could come.” crazy. So when I saw this video, in which a representative of the local Gay/Straight alliance gave Bachmann some hell, I said “Hell yea LGBT girls with silly dress code!” In two minutes they present a really solid problem with Bachmann’s philosophy, one that I hadn’t come up with myself. And I’m brilliant. It’s just straight up impressive seeing them get up the balls (take that how ever you want, just don’t get all emo on me) to put that woman on the spot in the middle of people clearly into what she’s got to say.

So when I hear there’s a video of an even younger kid putting her in her place I say to myself, “There’s no way this is going to make me think poorly of the opposite opinion.”

First: it took me like 10 viewings to get the volume up to a level I could both hear and wasn’t at risk of blowing my speakers. Second: that little boy is so damned uncomfortable saying what he’s been told to say that it took me 10 viewings to get the volume up to a level I could both hear and wasn’t at risk of blowing my speakers!

Honey, and I call you honey to be offensive, I know ‘kids say the darnedest things’ but it really doesn’t count when you force them to say it to try to create some measure of value to your impeccably biased opinion. Did you not watch this before posting it? Is that what you did? That feels like what you did. It feels like you got your adrenaline up after putting that ‘crazy conservative in her place’ and just went right to the interwebs with it! No way someone’s gonna see this and think about calling Child Protective Services on the lesbian making her child say things he’s uncomfortable with in public.

This is exploitation on a “Black Samurai” level. Except of course Black Samurai was hysterical because it was god-awful and made up of adults willingly participating. This is god-awful and has a child whispering at the “show me on the doll” volume. Bachmann takes this  one with a stride and tact I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HER HAVE! Good job proving the opposite of your opinion there, Rosie O’Donnell, because mommy might need fixing if she’s forcing her children to advocate for her before they’re old enough to comprehend what he’s doing.

I was tossing around my level of irritation with those videos for a few weeks until I stumbled on this one today:

Thank you, Huffington Post, for posting… this ‘article‘ here. I’m glad AOL dropped cash for this level of quality.

You know what’s real screwed up here? This little girl is making a really, frighteningly articulate argument. Then dad’s gotta cut in with his Munchausen’s-by-Proxy-two-cents “Boys can buy pink stuff too, right?”

Are you fucking kidding me, bro?

Pop. Are you… actually listening to what your daughter’s saying here? I know you want to make a statement about your own personal agendas, but your kid is saying, with the exception of the actual words “There are no strong concepts of female role models for my age group.” Did you catch that? Or did you just catch a soundbyte that appeals to your philosophies and move on with your day?

Buy this kid a Ms. Marvel and Spider-Woman action figure and show her that the female characters can be way, way cooler than their male counterparts and skip your dramatic “that’s a good question” closer. You prick.

Pictured: a better role model than Barbie

I think you might also be missing the undertone that, perhaps, your daughter might not be playing for the team you expect her to be playing for in 15 years. Short haircut. Flannel. Not flannel “grunge is back” either. I suggest you give her some nice strong characters to model herself from, so she can develop a concept of positive interactions with others who fulfill social constructs, and she doesn’t become the type of angst-ridden mom that forces her uncomfortable child into a bookstore to attempt a political statement.