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Tag Archives: legal
As Usual, I Blame White People
In doing the “research” for our last article (here), I ran across what I assumed was another drop in the fathomless diarrhea ocean that is public opinion polls run by private citizens on the internet. The “issue” at hand? “Should Sagging Your Pants Be Illegal?”At first, my answer was yes, if only to shut up those self-satisfied schmucks who think they are the only one in the universe who knows the origin of the style. “You know, the trend started in prison where men would advertise their availability for sex.” Shut up! I know! Everybody knows! Even most of the people who wear their pants that way know it.* God, you’re like those people who say, “Let there be light,” every time someone hits a friggin’ light switch. Or like hot chicks on dating sites that will never answer your PMs… Upon further reflection (less than 3 seconds, I have a brain), I realized it was the dumbest proposition since sour cream in vending machines. But for the sake of pretending to care what other people think, I gave the justifications of the 22% (!) of respondents that said that baggy pants should be made illegal (I was pleased to see that nobody that identified as atheist answered ‘yes’) a perusal. Deep007: “Its disgusting ..and therefor INDECENT…lock em up and horsewhip em” POWERSHAKER: “Ohhhh! You mean that thug look? Yep! It should definitely be illegal, because only punks wear their jeans like that if you ask me.” nothingbutthetruth: “That kind of dressing is disgusting! Why don’t they design pants with the butt part cut out them.” Godess of RaNdOmNeSs: “its very awkward!!!! i once saw a guy with his pants LITERALY at his knees…………no joke ………..he had batman boxers?!” Yes, but what size was his dick? If you don’t know … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Compromise Is A Four Letter Word
Where’s the “Are you out of your fucking mind?” button? That’s what I thought when I was directed to the first of many polls wondering if I would turn over my Facebook password to a potential employer, if asked to do so at an interview. Forgetting for the moment that the average person uses the same three or four passwords for all of their crap online, from JDate to Bank of America, and is therefore vulnerable on multiple fronts when handing out their passwords, there is no conceivable way this is advisable. Not only not advisable, it is straight up illegal. The legality of the practice is questionable, and states such as Illinois and Maryland are considering legislation to forbid it. Giving someone your Facebook login information is a violation of the site’s terms of service, and the Department of Justice considers it a federal crime to enter social media sites in violation of terms of service — although recent congressional testimony indicates that such violations would not be prosecuted, AP noted. (HP) Nope, just illegal. Jeezus, why do we have to have a semantic debate every time a piece of testicle-scrunching news reaches the general public? This isn’t your pathetic little Oprah worshipping book club where you can sit around and wonder whether some fictitious bitch from New Orleans was right to drown herself, leaving her kids orphaned. There are real, actual laws on the books about it. If you hand over your electronic passwords to an employer, you are both breaking the law. Just like if you hand over your little boy to a priest for some good Catholic rapin’, you are both breaking the law. Just who the hell do these employers think they are? I’ll tell you who. They know the world of the comfortably employed … Finish reading this sumbitch!
First They Came For the Schnauzers…
Scumbag Style takes to religion like a fetus takes to a rusty hanger, simultaneously in a constant, frantic, claustrophobic dodge and hurling wild, vitriolic, impotent missives like Michael J. Fox at a stoning. For the most part, though, we’ve stuck to Christianity, because we’re an American ‘zine, and Christianity is the greatest threat America has faced these few decades. We don’t fuck too much with Islam, not because in the grand scheme of things it is any better – in fact it may be worse than Christianity on a global scale. Like cholera, or Africanized bees, or Kylie Minogue; we’re not denying it sucks like whoa, it just isn’t really our problem. And anyway, the way our conservative leaders have dealt with the Muslim problem since 9/11 has been hyperbolic, racist, ignorant, jingoistic, intolerant – – I’m being redundant to make a point. There is just no reason to squat over an overflowing pool of festering horse shit. But if you’re going to be a clown, I’m not going to just leave it. Sometimes we forget, while we deal with our own Christian fuck heads, Europe’s mostly secular Western population is suffering from a massive Muslim problem. It has been happening for some time, with Muslims hitching up the early model Toyotas and heading west, swelling European populations with their own numbers, and loudly clambering for crazy laws to be passed. It’s like if a bunch of giraffes started squatting in your home and didn’t learn to eat at the table, but demanded all chicken dinners be put in the attic where they can reach it, because there are four of you and six of them. But most of us were made aware of the scope of the fucktardery by reports of the Jihad against a Danish newspaper cartoonist who … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Good Rockin´ Tonight
I also considered “Rocking With The M.D.M.A.,” but I wasn´t sure if a musical LL Cool J reference was a tad esoteric, now that he´s rockin that successful *snicker* television career *hic* on NCIS – – hahaha I´m sorry, I tried. The fact remains, I expected the kids to get an Elvis reference before a Cool J reference. Look back to when you were 12. Did you see that coming? (I am assuming you are the exact same age as me, deal) So I was reading this psychology journal, and – – what? I can´t read smart stuff? I got to get all my news from TMZ and Fox News? Eat a dick. Anyway, I found this while reading whatever it is you think I read it in. A number of people with high-functioning autism and Asperger’s Syndrome have reported improvements after taking MDMA outside of research contexts. MDMA shows promise for treating Autism Spectrum Disorders since the effects of MDMA that increase empathy and enhance communication are precisely the abilities that autism tends to degrade. MAPS is offering a grant of $10,000 for protocol development expenses for this pilot study. (MAPS) That being said: People my own age are assholes, I should have won the Best New Artist Grammy in 1996, why the hell are you crying? You really shouldn´t be writing this article, Mark… I genuinely can´t stop myself. Rrrrrruffles have rrrrrrridges. No. No! We eat the spaghetti before the salad. Fuck, now I´m crying. In 1979, Red Sox first baseman Bob Watson was 33 yrs old, played 84 games, had 347 plate appearances, 312 at bats, 48 runs scored, 105 hits, 13 home runs, 53 RBIs… do I have to continue with this? Gimme free legal X.