Stick It:
Twatted
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Tag Archives: jessica simpson
Afternoon Quickies: Oh, STFU! Edition, 4 Realz
These last couple of weeks I learned that one cannot live exclusively on the internet, that one must interact with human beings, maintain something resembling employment, and take legally mandatory vacations in Nicaragua. I shit you not. But it turns out that doesn’t really matter, because while I was gone, none of you motherfuckers did anything of any importance anyway. GOP Primaries, CISPA, John Edwards, Lindsay Lohan playing Liz Taylor (just because they both had addiction problems doesn’t mean a non-actress can play a great one) – – it’s all just one big holding pattern because for the last two weeks the world has been utterly uninteresting. How do I know? Because instead of going out and tossing the pigskin around, you were all bitching about things nobody would ever care about otherwise: No Tards On Facebook Didn’t think mental retardation was genetic? Check out this poor kid’s mom. Brought to my attention by my buddy Cait, there’s an actually retarded petition going around, which has already gotten more than its requisite signatures, demanding Facebook not censor pictures of children with disabilities. Seems some woman posted pictures of her 7 year old son, who has Down Syndrome and is participating in his first Special Olympics, and the pics got flagged and removed. Because ignorance of how the world works never seems to stop people from throwing drooling mongo-fits. This woman must envision some poor bastard sitting behind a FB super-computer, individually investigating each of the millions of flags received every week, and making moral judgment calls on behalf of the entire corporation. And not, you know, an algorithm built into the servers that, so as to not have yeasty twats all over Facebook, just aces most of the items flagged as offensive to be on the safe side. I’m sorry, … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Gah! Put It Away! (Part One)
Here’s today’s soundtrack. Old school blues, y’all. Open in a new tab and listen while you read! To reiterate the mission statement of Scumbag Style penned some two and a half years ago: “Scumbag Style seeks to permanently eliminate the language of the sex scandal, whether a media personality has an affair, lets some grainy cell phone mirror pics for her boyfriend slip, or a sex tape is released. Nay, these are not scandals, but fodder for general happiness. Call them ‘sexyrific’ or ‘nakedpicture-bations,’ but never an outrage.” Scandal is usually too negative a word for these blessed events, and it insinuates that, while we’ll be happy to capitalize on them, we normies are above such things. As if anyone wanted to spread naked pictures of you on the internet. Remember when Vaneesa Hudgens sent Zach Effron those nudey pics (some of them have disappeared), and ‘somehow’ they ended up on all our desktops? Was anybody scandalized? Or did we all silently thank whoever was treacherous enough to betray the trust of two Disney stars, and save them for viewing later where our wives couldn’t find them? Well, we at SBS will be the first to admit that every philosophy has its downside. For instance, just recently, a pregnant Jessica Simpson did what weird people call a tasteful nudey cover for Elle. Shortly thereafter, Atlantic Wire’s Jen Doll did the unthinkable by criticizing the decision. “What?” your liberal media brainwashed brain might say. “But she’s pregnant. She’s beautiful! DON’T YOU THINK SHE’S BEAUTIFUL? What kind of monster would not want to look at her totally nude?” Really, all Ms Doll wanted to know was if anyone else thought this shit was getting old. As a woman, it has to burn when you pose nude in the same fashion as hundreds … Finish reading this sumbitch!
How Much For Waylon Jennings To Narrate My Life For One Day?
When one witnesses an event that can be described as out of the ordinary, one can usually deduce the series of events that led these people to arrive at the given situation. This is a law for which Las Vegas often seems like a black hole. With cultures from around the globe centralized in a booze addled, no-rules party town, one can see a strange situation every day, if one looks hard enough. And the continually entertaining and baffling thing is, you cannot always figure out what happened. How can one be certain one knows their environment enough when there are things happening in the background that one is not only not aware of, but incapable of comprehending? Case in point: a traffic event my coworkers and I witnessed on our way to lunch this afternoon. You will want to sit down for this. On Fort Apache, headed toward Charleston, the General Lee passed us going in the opposite direction. That’s right, a bright orange 1969 Charger with the familiar 01 racing number emblazoned on the side, speeding down Fort Apache. This is not a strange incident in itself: what with the prevalence of rednecks in this town, fandom is guaranteed to rear its toothless head from time to time. No, what was strange about this situation was that two undercover police SUVs were doing their best to chase the General Lee down, and failing. It was a (relatively) high speed chase, the closest one I have ever been to that I was not personally involved in. Now, the jokes and jibes abound when applied to this situation. Freeze frame, enter Waylon Jennings: Now them Hazard boys ain’t much for gambling, but they were about to play some high rpm roulette with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Smokeys. Boss Hogg is … Finish reading this sumbitch!