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Tag Archives: huffington post
Compromise Is A Four Letter Word
Where’s the “Are you out of your fucking mind?” button? That’s what I thought when I was directed to the first of many polls wondering if I would turn over my Facebook password to a potential employer, if asked to do so at an interview. Forgetting for the moment that the average person uses the same three or four passwords for all of their crap online, from JDate to Bank of America, and is therefore vulnerable on multiple fronts when handing out their passwords, there is no conceivable way this is advisable. Not only not advisable, it is straight up illegal. The legality of the practice is questionable, and states such as Illinois and Maryland are considering legislation to forbid it. Giving someone your Facebook login information is a violation of the site’s terms of service, and the Department of Justice considers it a federal crime to enter social media sites in violation of terms of service — although recent congressional testimony indicates that such violations would not be prosecuted, AP noted. (HP) Nope, just illegal. Jeezus, why do we have to have a semantic debate every time a piece of testicle-scrunching news reaches the general public? This isn’t your pathetic little Oprah worshipping book club where you can sit around and wonder whether some fictitious bitch from New Orleans was right to drown herself, leaving her kids orphaned. There are real, actual laws on the books about it. If you hand over your electronic passwords to an employer, you are both breaking the law. Just like if you hand over your little boy to a priest for some good Catholic rapin’, you are both breaking the law. Just who the hell do these employers think they are? I’ll tell you who. They know the world of the comfortably employed … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Gah! Put It Away (Part 2)
Part one is making its meager existence here. Soundtrack today. Thanks to Bonetti over at Unemployed Geniuses. Celebrity sex tapes can be a great time, especially when they are leaked, and the subjects don’t see it coming. We’re entertained for different reasons. We were so stoked to know that Paris Hilton was as shitty a lay as we knew in our hearts she would be. We tittered sympathetically at Tommy Lee’s massive belly rope and how it fit in the vagina we’d wanted to see for some time. We gasped in mock puritan disgust at what Martin Lawrence did to that tranny hooker – – what? You don’t have that one? Oh, snap, come over tomorrow night. We’ll have Cold Duck and pizza bagels. Ok, now I want you to mentally picture the celebrities you would not want to see in a leaked sex tape. The list is shorter than you think, once you put your mind to the task. Celebrity does strange things to tolerance levels, and morbid curiosity covers everybody else from Tori Spelling up to, say, Jon Lovitz. Now I want you to bump that list down by one. That’s right, Precious just made your maybe list, because life just hacked up what you didn’t want to know was your actual #1. A [recently filmed] sex tape featuring former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan has surfaced, according to TMZ. [Huffpost] Now you can’t stop thinking about it either. Share in my pain! I have never heard of anything more unnecessary in my entire life. The homoerotic spectacle of 1990s WWF footage has been more than plenty for anyone who found him attractive when he wasn’t ninety years old. Any chick who was in her early twenties at the time had a 70% chance of firsthand knowledge, if they … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Gah! Put It Away! (Part One)
Here’s today’s soundtrack. Old school blues, y’all. Open in a new tab and listen while you read! To reiterate the mission statement of Scumbag Style penned some two and a half years ago: “Scumbag Style seeks to permanently eliminate the language of the sex scandal, whether a media personality has an affair, lets some grainy cell phone mirror pics for her boyfriend slip, or a sex tape is released. Nay, these are not scandals, but fodder for general happiness. Call them ‘sexyrific’ or ‘nakedpicture-bations,’ but never an outrage.” Scandal is usually too negative a word for these blessed events, and it insinuates that, while we’ll be happy to capitalize on them, we normies are above such things. As if anyone wanted to spread naked pictures of you on the internet. Remember when Vaneesa Hudgens sent Zach Effron those nudey pics (some of them have disappeared), and ‘somehow’ they ended up on all our desktops? Was anybody scandalized? Or did we all silently thank whoever was treacherous enough to betray the trust of two Disney stars, and save them for viewing later where our wives couldn’t find them? Well, we at SBS will be the first to admit that every philosophy has its downside. For instance, just recently, a pregnant Jessica Simpson did what weird people call a tasteful nudey cover for Elle. Shortly thereafter, Atlantic Wire’s Jen Doll did the unthinkable by criticizing the decision. “What?” your liberal media brainwashed brain might say. “But she’s pregnant. She’s beautiful! DON’T YOU THINK SHE’S BEAUTIFUL? What kind of monster would not want to look at her totally nude?” Really, all Ms Doll wanted to know was if anyone else thought this shit was getting old. As a woman, it has to burn when you pose nude in the same fashion as hundreds … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Daddy Issues
By Sean “Abort ´Em Til You Can Aford ´Em” Torrie Ok folks, let me explain a few things. I’m open to missing a point somewhere in here, maybe it’s me in my youth not understanding some key element of existence, but I do believe our good Mark Hurley nailed it in regards to Obama´s Mandate and the Catholic reaction. We want to live in a free country, you want to have a business that is religion related, but not a church, you’re going to have to risk employing a person of a different faith, who’s philosophies you’ll have to endorse. Tough shit. Enjoy your parent company not paying taxes. Here’s my follow up to the question at hand. You’re a religion related organization, right? So you love babies, right? Know what I’ll bet you hate? Abortion. Know what I’ll bet you hate almost as much? Unwed mothers. Because they’re gonna happen. All of ´em. Unwed mothers who’ve had abortions previously, and presently have more than one child from more than one ‘sperm donor’. You know what’s gonna have to happen after that? You’re gonna have to provide medical coverage for those kids, because there ain’t no babydaddys doin’ it. Better still, guess what follows? Government subsidies that will pour in; and you just really, really aren’t changing that part of the safety net, buddy. That part of the safety net is there because, while your parent company doesn’t have to pay taxes, it’s also lost popularity, doesn’t have quite the same income it used to, and is no longer the go-to place for aid. I present exhibit A to everything you just said wasn’t gonna happen when you finished the last paragraph: For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage (NYT) And just when you think I’m gonna say … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Puddin´ Parenting
By Sean ”The Younger, The Better” Torrie Oh Bill Cosby. You have made a whole new type of child abuse possible. Thank you for that. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I don’t think Enrico Fermi had a cold war in mind when he built that nuclear reactor. Now, I’ll be the first guy to say that I’m not a fan of Michelle Bachmann… No. No, that’s a lie. I’ll be one of many to say it. I’ll also say I think she might be crazy. Not fun-crazy either: “Did you invite her?” “No of course I didn´t, but she found out about the party so I had to say she could come.” crazy. So when I saw this video, in which a representative of the local Gay/Straight alliance gave Bachmann some hell, I said “Hell yea LGBT girls with silly dress code!” In two minutes they present a really solid problem with Bachmann’s philosophy, one that I hadn’t come up with myself. And I’m brilliant. It’s just straight up impressive seeing them get up the balls (take that how ever you want, just don’t get all emo on me) to put that woman on the spot in the middle of people clearly into what she’s got to say. So when I hear there’s a video of an even younger kid putting her in her place I say to myself, “There’s no way this is going to make me think poorly of the opposite opinion.” First: it took me like 10 viewings to get the volume up to a level I could both hear and wasn’t at risk of blowing my speakers. Second: that little boy is so damned uncomfortable saying what he’s been told to say that it took me 10 viewings to get the volume … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Feminism Devolved
Huffington Post’s Comedy Page editor Carol Hartsell did the predictable thing and managed to turn a page normally devoted to funny things into a sopping vagina fest from the 1980s. Seriously, listen to this backwards, old school feminist crap: We have to admit, as fans of comedy and women in comedy especially, my fellow editors and I die a little bit every time [a female comedian gets naked for a men´s magazine]. [Huffington Post] Uh, while you’re thinking about that, who’s thinking about dinner? Aside from my stomach. And my whuppin’ arm. Go ahead and read the pre-op-ed. Generously, Carol makes the sympathetic concession that sometimes women have no choice. Men are stupid, so to keep their attention, show your boobies while you tell your joke. Otherwise you may never have a career. Men will laugh at your joke if you get sexy for them, even if they don´t understand why, like a dog will salivate when you condition him to like peanut butter and nutsack. She continues by pretending there´s a normal way to think, which gives me so much faith in her hilarity: Conventional wisdom says that funny women are intimidating, so why not take yourself down a peg — or article of clothing — or two to make yourself a little more approachable? Well, I, for one, am insulted. “Lowering” themselves? I’d hate to think that every woman who took off her clothes for my entertainment was “lowering herself.” Are my sexual fantasies not a classy enough joint to strip down to your lacies in? Conventional wisdom says you just hurt my feelings. At a time when so many men feel comfortable saying, “I don’t find women funny,” it doesn’t sit well with us to see many of those same men rewarded with getting to see actual … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Nuggets For Sluts Outreach Initiative
New Feature: A soundtrack to enhance your reading experience. Just open the link in another tab on your browser and enjoy the totally relevant song whilst enjoying the article. Today’s soudtrack. For the sake of our nation’s unplanted waves of fertile uteri, responsible, concerned, white, male Congressmen decided last week to selflessly put aside the debt and unemployment issues they really wanted to be talking about, and focus on what really matters: baby makin’. The problem? We are not doing enough of it, and all these rubber gadgets and magic pills are not helping. Did you know condoms are sometimes made out of the skin of sheep? What’s next? Kitten intestine lampshades? I smell an unmissable opportunity for a Hitler comparison. Let’s watch: Sandra Fluke, a student at Georgetown Law School, was supposed to be the Democratic witness at a Congressional hearing about the Obama administration’s contraception policy. However, Darrell “Sweet Mel” Issa, the committee chair at the hearing, prevented her from speaking, while only allowing a series of men to testify about the policy. (Huffpost, more or less) Hunny, the men are talking. Steak and BJ Day (ladies) is right around the corner. Maybe you should be loosening your jaw, or practicing char vs. warm pinkness ratio (sweet, that actually works both ways). You can throw the practice steaks to homeless people if you want, hippie. We got you that nice sheer dressing gown for V-day. You liked that right? What the hell do women of child-bearing age even know about contraception anyway? God gave us male politicians so you don’t have to hurt yourself with thinking. Your turn, Rushizzle. Tell the bitch. “What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke [sic] who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to … Finish reading this sumbitch!