Stick It:
Twatted
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: No Apologies, Spacey. You Messed Up Good. http://t.co/X9xNZ9ew 1 day ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Go To Towns: Indiana Edition http://t.co/odpZX341 5 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Foreplay Involves Food In the Marsden Household http://t.co/tyxp88YF 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: It´s Christmas, I´m Busy... http://t.co/oEzCzKkL 1 week ago
- #itmakesmesmile when a brilliant 16 yr old girls make an entire community of adult Christians look like retards http://t.co/ScIzcHZw 2 weeks ago
Tag Archives: hero
This Man Is A Teacher
My dearest Tom Hoopes: I first encountered your work when a Catholic friend of mine pointed me toward an article in which you speak briefly about Christopher Hitchens, a great hero of mine who recently passed away. It was condescending as all get out, but it was chock full of underhanded compliments, and seemed to be relatively thoughtful. It is, of course, gratifying to see a great American champion of humanist ideals remembered fondly by members of the non-secular class, so I decided I might read some more of your work. The first article I read was entitled “Six Myths About Atheism,” and I have to say, the title excited me, because I assumed you were a man of thought, and perhaps you’d be spending your time dispelling some of the myths that are propagated amongst the religious about non-believers. The article turned out to be the epitome of those very lies: a carelessly thought out bigoted bit of blatant propaganda, a brainwashing tool to keep the hate for atheists alive among the religious. My first thought was of completely ignoring it. After all, ignorance abounds in your community, trying to change one mind in the sea of under-used brains you call a church leaves one feeling impotent and frustrated. As my beautiful wife put it, quoting someone else: “Never argue with an idiot. They´ll drag you down to their level, and beat you with experience.” On the other hand, several of my friends and readers across Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, etc. expressed concern that I said that all of your points were entirely wrong, your research was ass-on-fire, and your intentions were entirely malicious, so I decided that I might address your points and show you why you’re an untalented, proselytizing asshole. After all, even you said in your article … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Illuminti Freshness, Santic Bitches
The last thing Scumbag Style wants to do is get all serious and misty-eyed, so we´ll keep this brief. Christopher Hitchens – author, philosopher, great thinker, one of the most important primates to walk this Earth in the past century – has finally succumbed to esophageal cancer. He´s an inspiration to many of the writers here, his thoughts crudely replayed across our pages for the sake of intelligent dick jokes. The world will miss his influence, his humor, his articles and books, and his “Hitchslaps” greatly… if not now, then very soon, as he predicted. Also, proving Hitchens entirely correct, the ugliness of your average Christian (that´s right, I said it) reared its celebratory head the moment Vanity Fair broke the news. Seriously, go check out hashtag #godisnotgreat on Twitter right now. I will wait (here´s a few for you impatients): via @jes3ica What a tribute! Scrumptious irony packaged in a flaky crust of pure, violent ignorance. Whilst threatening horrific violence to all who retweeted #GodIsNotGreat, Christians across the globe had no clue that God Is Not Great is the title of Hitchens´ famous book linking religion with violence and ignorance (ignorance like not knowing one of the most important books of your lifetime). Its all over Facebook and junk, too, and these are just some of the funniest, not the really creatively violent ones. Believing in God may also include the awesomeness of Hell Sandwiches and slug guns, but it definitely does not include grammar lessons in the basic package. And my goodness do the Godly like their elipses (that´s the “dot dot dot” for you religious minded). Say, you know how atheists are always sending death threats to Christians for expressing their views? Exactly, and that´s what Hitchens was getting at. There are good men and there are … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Don’t Get Surgery, Get An Agent
A few months back, Scumbag Style brought to your attention a serious parenting fail involving an Indian family and their miracle spider child that could have grown up to be New Delhi’s most badass masked avenger. Barring that, she could have remained the living Hindu godthe ignorant rurals had already made her, collecting riches and fame and endless cunnilingus from her personal harem. But no! They had to go and “fix” her, further homogenizing Eurasia into the blandest place that smells like shit on Earth, and not the comic book mecca of justice and cleavage it might have been, replete with onomatopoeic violence bubbles and grappling hooks. That was all not to mention the schooling she could potentially have given those Bollywood hussies, all tryin’ to use their inhuman sexiness to distract us from the fact their evolutionarily inferior number of extremities. But the surgery was a “success,” and now other parents are feeling empowered to deprive their children of their most basic and innocent dreams. Like this mutant turtle kid in China: Dad Maimaiti Musai said: “We were told surgery wasn’t possible when he was very young so we waited. But the growth got bigger and harder and became like a turtle shell. (der SUN) You cured your son of being a Ninja fucking Turtle? Can your deranged – – nay, diseased mind possibly comprehend the implications arising from the damage you have done? I – – I… fffffuuuuh… hold on. Despite my clenched, grinding teeth of incredulous rage, I have forced myself to count to ten, and rub one out* for good, calm measure. I want to make myself perfectly clear, so there is no chance of misunderstanding. I was born in 1984. Between the ages of three and eleven or so, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were … Finish reading this sumbitch!