Stick It:
Twatted
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: No Apologies, Spacey. You Messed Up Good. http://t.co/X9xNZ9ew 2 hours ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Go To Towns: Indiana Edition http://t.co/odpZX341 4 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Foreplay Involves Food In the Marsden Household http://t.co/tyxp88YF 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: It´s Christmas, I´m Busy... http://t.co/oEzCzKkL 1 week ago
- #itmakesmesmile when a brilliant 16 yr old girls make an entire community of adult Christians look like retards http://t.co/ScIzcHZw 1 week ago
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Mark 13:6*
(In his game this week against the Patriots, Tebow threw for 136 yrds, hence the Biblical title. It was enough to get him a mere trouncing and just shy of getting the holy shit kicked out of him. Christians will contend that numbers only apply to Bible verses when they say so.) You guys, you guys. Either Jesus told Tebow to go screw himself this week or the inimitable New England Patriots are too awesome for God to handle. Perhaps both. What we do know is that Tim Tebow was soundly Old Yellered by history’s greatest QB. But that’s not the wacky part! Take a look at Tom Brady’s stats for this week’s Divisional Playoff game against The Broncos, Tim Tebow, and the pantheon of saints (not those Saints, dummy), angels, archangels, and lesser minions of God. If you take his Completion % and multiply it by his AVG, then subtract his total yards, then add his QB rating for the game, then add his TDs and (just to be fair) subtract one for his interception… Guess. Just guess. Or do the math, but that would be stupid because I’m going to tell you. 596.* * That is the very page Dumbledore died on in The Half-Blood Prince! (If that was a spoiler for you, well then maybe it shouldn’t take you 7 years to read a childrens’ book) Do you know what this means??? I mean, really? Neither do I. It could mean Snape did some awesome dark magic and made Brady have his best game of the season in a must win against those smug internet Xtian bitches of the previous week; it could mean the richest woman in Great Britain had some money on the game and had inside men; or it could mean fucking nothing because, … Finish reading this sumbitch!
A Disturbing Trend
By Dan Rice I have something to say. I know that this football season has been tough, and at times heartbreaking, for all of us. I’m writing this note in response to a more and more frequently occurring trend. I’m sure you’ve seen it. Your team runs an 8 man blitz against a team that won’t let the quarterback throw the ball. Your team throws a winning record away by losing 2 or 3 straight expected wins. Your team blows a 4th quarter 17 point lead to a hated rival. So what have some of you been saying in response? I. Give. Up. I give up on my coach, on my offensive linemen, on my quarterback, on my defensive secondary. I give up on my team. I’m looking for a new one. I have friends that like the Steelers, the Packers, the Patriots, the Bengals. I’ll just root for them. Heresy. Look, I want to be clear. I don’t like your team. I probably hate them. I want to see your quarterback cry. But do you know why? Because I love my team. Get it? Loving your team isn’t about having a winning record. It’s not about how many superbowl rings you have. It’s about losing your mind over every first down. Standing up on 4th and goal. Screaming over every blown call and missed opportunity. It’s about having your heart broken over and over and then coming back for more. Because if you don’t, you’re a tourist. You know what makes you a fan? Loyalty. And the whole reason you’re upset in the first place is because you really, truly, deeply give a shit. You hate that they didn’t win, didn’t make that play. You’re pissed because you care. This is my team’s history. And it’s not even the … Finish reading this sumbitch!