Stick It:
Twatted
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: No Apologies, Spacey. You Messed Up Good. http://t.co/X9xNZ9ew 3 hours ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Go To Towns: Indiana Edition http://t.co/odpZX341 4 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Foreplay Involves Food In the Marsden Household http://t.co/tyxp88YF 1 week ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: It´s Christmas, I´m Busy... http://t.co/oEzCzKkL 1 week ago
- #itmakesmesmile when a brilliant 16 yr old girls make an entire community of adult Christians look like retards http://t.co/ScIzcHZw 1 week ago
Tag Archives: evolution
Sexy Ed
By Ms Lori Hey there. My name is Lori, and I am here to take you to school. Yes, darling, I know you don’t want to go to school. There is just such a glut of elitist intellectual smarty-pants propaganda floating around this country, that we could all use a little less school and a little more common Bible sense. And not only that, book-learnin’ is so hard. So I thought that, as your teacher, maybe I could pop a few blouse buttons, put my finger in my mouth, and make you hard for education. Recent History 101 (If you know the story, you may skip this section, but I will be talking about my vagina, and it will be on the test. My vag, I mean. I dip it in red ink and leave a nice little lip hug for all my A students.)* I’d like to introduce you to Jessica Ahlquist. A lot of you may know her from the death threats you sent her and her family. Some of you may even remember promising to rape her, mostly from the safe, cowardly anonymity of the internet. Some of you have done it in person, in public, and for that I applaud you. For those of you who don’t know Jessica, she is female, like I totally am, and she is a sixteen year old high school student from Rhode Island. And she is an atheist, so her opinion doesn’t count. Still, Jessica is the newest champion of constitutional civil rights in the US, and many regard her as a hero. Just the excitement of her young age and her superior reasoning skills make my nips all hard. Go ahead, feel your screen. Can you feel that? I’m working on two semi-symmetrical avocado pits here. Nine months ago: … Finish reading this sumbitch!
This Man Is A Teacher
My dearest Tom Hoopes: I first encountered your work when a Catholic friend of mine pointed me toward an article in which you speak briefly about Christopher Hitchens, a great hero of mine who recently passed away. It was condescending as all get out, but it was chock full of underhanded compliments, and seemed to be relatively thoughtful. It is, of course, gratifying to see a great American champion of humanist ideals remembered fondly by members of the non-secular class, so I decided I might read some more of your work. The first article I read was entitled “Six Myths About Atheism,” and I have to say, the title excited me, because I assumed you were a man of thought, and perhaps you’d be spending your time dispelling some of the myths that are propagated amongst the religious about non-believers. The article turned out to be the epitome of those very lies: a carelessly thought out bigoted bit of blatant propaganda, a brainwashing tool to keep the hate for atheists alive among the religious. My first thought was of completely ignoring it. After all, ignorance abounds in your community, trying to change one mind in the sea of under-used brains you call a church leaves one feeling impotent and frustrated. As my beautiful wife put it, quoting someone else: “Never argue with an idiot. They´ll drag you down to their level, and beat you with experience.” On the other hand, several of my friends and readers across Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, etc. expressed concern that I said that all of your points were entirely wrong, your research was ass-on-fire, and your intentions were entirely malicious, so I decided that I might address your points and show you why you’re an untalented, proselytizing asshole. After all, even you said in your article … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Don’t Get Surgery, Get An Agent
A few months back, Scumbag Style brought to your attention a serious parenting fail involving an Indian family and their miracle spider child that could have grown up to be New Delhi’s most badass masked avenger. Barring that, she could have remained the living Hindu godthe ignorant rurals had already made her, collecting riches and fame and endless cunnilingus from her personal harem. But no! They had to go and “fix” her, further homogenizing Eurasia into the blandest place that smells like shit on Earth, and not the comic book mecca of justice and cleavage it might have been, replete with onomatopoeic violence bubbles and grappling hooks. That was all not to mention the schooling she could potentially have given those Bollywood hussies, all tryin’ to use their inhuman sexiness to distract us from the fact their evolutionarily inferior number of extremities. But the surgery was a “success,” and now other parents are feeling empowered to deprive their children of their most basic and innocent dreams. Like this mutant turtle kid in China: Dad Maimaiti Musai said: “We were told surgery wasn’t possible when he was very young so we waited. But the growth got bigger and harder and became like a turtle shell. (der SUN) You cured your son of being a Ninja fucking Turtle? Can your deranged – – nay, diseased mind possibly comprehend the implications arising from the damage you have done? I – – I… fffffuuuuh… hold on. Despite my clenched, grinding teeth of incredulous rage, I have forced myself to count to ten, and rub one out* for good, calm measure. I want to make myself perfectly clear, so there is no chance of misunderstanding. I was born in 1984. Between the ages of three and eleven or so, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were … Finish reading this sumbitch!