Stick It:
Twatted
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Compromise Is A Four Letter Word http://t.co/V5KNn11L 6 hours ago
- Me Meme. Memememe. ME! OH MY GOD LOOK AT ME! http://t.co/Gfb4znY7 2 days ago
- Family dynamics in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles http://t.co/LI9LglV8 2 days ago
- the last time you read this, you were drunk:: Illuminti Freshness, Santic Bitches http://t.co/HerydZKD 4 days ago
- RT @XoXo_Carrie: #FF @nikkacostia @Alabama_Shakes @BabyBash @mechrt @SwiftStump @scumbagstyle @barelysarcasm 5 days ago
Tag Archives: dead
Gah! Put It Away! (Part One)
Here’s today’s soundtrack. Old school blues, y’all. Open in a new tab and listen while you read! To reiterate the mission statement of Scumbag Style penned some two and a half years ago: “Scumbag Style seeks to permanently eliminate the language of the sex scandal, whether a media personality has an affair, lets some grainy cell phone mirror pics for her boyfriend slip, or a sex tape is released. Nay, these are not scandals, but fodder for general happiness. Call them ‘sexyrific’ or ‘nakedpicture-bations,’ but never an outrage.” Scandal is usually too negative a word for these blessed events, and it insinuates that, while we’ll be happy to capitalize on them, we normies are above such things. As if anyone wanted to spread naked pictures of you on the internet. Remember when Vaneesa Hudgens sent Zach Effron those nudey pics (some of them have disappeared), and ‘somehow’ they ended up on all our desktops? Was anybody scandalized? Or did we all silently thank whoever was treacherous enough to betray the trust of two Disney stars, and save them for viewing later where our wives couldn’t find them? Well, we at SBS will be the first to admit that every philosophy has its downside. For instance, just recently, a pregnant Jessica Simpson did what weird people call a tasteful nudey cover for Elle. Shortly thereafter, Atlantic Wire’s Jen Doll did the unthinkable by criticizing the decision. “What?” your liberal media brainwashed brain might say. “But she’s pregnant. She’s beautiful! DON’T YOU THINK SHE’S BEAUTIFUL? What kind of monster would not want to look at her totally nude?” Really, all Ms Doll wanted to know was if anyone else thought this shit was getting old. As a woman, it has to burn when you pose nude in the same fashion as hundreds … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Daddy Issues
By Sean “Abort ´Em Til You Can Aford ´Em” Torrie Ok folks, let me explain a few things. I’m open to missing a point somewhere in here, maybe it’s me in my youth not understanding some key element of existence, but I do believe our good Mark Hurley nailed it in regards to Obama´s Mandate and the Catholic reaction. We want to live in a free country, you want to have a business that is religion related, but not a church, you’re going to have to risk employing a person of a different faith, who’s philosophies you’ll have to endorse. Tough shit. Enjoy your parent company not paying taxes. Here’s my follow up to the question at hand. You’re a religion related organization, right? So you love babies, right? Know what I’ll bet you hate? Abortion. Know what I’ll bet you hate almost as much? Unwed mothers. Because they’re gonna happen. All of ´em. Unwed mothers who’ve had abortions previously, and presently have more than one child from more than one ‘sperm donor’. You know what’s gonna have to happen after that? You’re gonna have to provide medical coverage for those kids, because there ain’t no babydaddys doin’ it. Better still, guess what follows? Government subsidies that will pour in; and you just really, really aren’t changing that part of the safety net, buddy. That part of the safety net is there because, while your parent company doesn’t have to pay taxes, it’s also lost popularity, doesn’t have quite the same income it used to, and is no longer the go-to place for aid. I present exhibit A to everything you just said wasn’t gonna happen when you finished the last paragraph: For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage (NYT) And just when you think I’m gonna say … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Illuminti Freshness, Santic Bitches
The last thing Scumbag Style wants to do is get all serious and misty-eyed, so we´ll keep this brief. Christopher Hitchens – author, philosopher, great thinker, one of the most important primates to walk this Earth in the past century – has finally succumbed to esophageal cancer. He´s an inspiration to many of the writers here, his thoughts crudely replayed across our pages for the sake of intelligent dick jokes. The world will miss his influence, his humor, his articles and books, and his “Hitchslaps” greatly… if not now, then very soon, as he predicted. Also, proving Hitchens entirely correct, the ugliness of your average Christian (that´s right, I said it) reared its celebratory head the moment Vanity Fair broke the news. Seriously, go check out hashtag #godisnotgreat on Twitter right now. I will wait (here´s a few for you impatients): via @jes3ica What a tribute! Scrumptious irony packaged in a flaky crust of pure, violent ignorance. Whilst threatening horrific violence to all who retweeted #GodIsNotGreat, Christians across the globe had no clue that God Is Not Great is the title of Hitchens´ famous book linking religion with violence and ignorance (ignorance like not knowing one of the most important books of your lifetime). Its all over Facebook and junk, too, and these are just some of the funniest, not the really creatively violent ones. Believing in God may also include the awesomeness of Hell Sandwiches and slug guns, but it definitely does not include grammar lessons in the basic package. And my goodness do the Godly like their elipses (that´s the “dot dot dot” for you religious minded). Say, you know how atheists are always sending death threats to Christians for expressing their views? Exactly, and that´s what Hitchens was getting at. There are good men and there are … Finish reading this sumbitch!