Tag Archives: comedy

Feminism Devolved

Huffington Post’s Comedy Page editor Carol Hartsell did the predictable thing and managed to turn a page normally devoted to funny things into a sopping vagina fest from the 1980s. Seriously, listen to this backwards, old school feminist crap: We have to admit, as fans of comedy and women in comedy especially, my fellow editors and I die a little bit every time [a female comedian gets naked for a men´s magazine]. [Huffington Post] Uh, while you’re thinking about that, who’s thinking about dinner? Aside from my stomach. And my whuppin’ arm. Go ahead and read the pre-op-ed. Generously, Carol makes the sympathetic concession that sometimes women have no choice. Men are stupid, so to keep their attention, show your boobies while you tell your joke. Otherwise you may never have a career. Men will laugh at your joke if you get sexy for them, even if they don´t understand why, like a dog will salivate when you condition him to like peanut butter and nutsack. She continues by pretending there´s a normal way to think, which gives me so much faith in her hilarity: Conventional wisdom says that funny women are intimidating, so why not take yourself down a peg — or article of clothing — or two to make yourself a little more approachable? Well, I, for one, am insulted. “Lowering” themselves? I’d hate to think that every woman who took off her clothes for my entertainment was “lowering herself.” Are my sexual fantasies not a classy enough joint to strip down to your lacies in? Conventional wisdom says you just hurt my feelings. At a time when so many men feel comfortable saying, “I don’t find women funny,” it doesn’t sit well with us to see many of those same men rewarded with getting to see actual … Finish reading this sumbitch!

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Tyler Perry Is Tearing Us Apart!

People don’t watch Tyler Perry’s brand of chocolate milk-and-water bunkum, you say. Studios just keep producing his “films” and television programs because Perry keeps laying out scripts, they’re cheap to make, and nobody watches TBS before 11PM (or after 12, unless they want Lopez to not-funny them to sleep). They produce them because there’s this vague idea that’s captured our cultural subconscious that it is somehow racist not to, you say. At least its not “One On One” or “Homeboys In Outerspace,” or whatever that hysterically racist program was called. Black people don’t go into space, dude, for the same reason they don’t jump out of planes. They’re too smart to do that shit. You ever see a black family on a roller coaster? They’re freaking the fuck out because they are far more aware of their mortality than peroxide-haired thrill seekers. Anyway, you’d be wrong. About people not watching Tyler Perry. Black people actually eat that shit up, like its made entirely of deep womb orgasms and Maury Povich baby daddy reveals. As Samuel Chapman, third of his aristocratic name, attempts to point out above, this is without question entertainment not made for my pale ass. Black people feel a need to support things made just for them, and I get that. It’s why they unflappably support Obama, no matter how he personally screws the city they are living in, and puts their individual jobs in danger. On the surface, it is a solidarity thing. On the other hand, I do speak English, and I do follow the more interesting aspects of black culture, and I am definitely positive Tyler Perry is not funny. Most of it is retreads of relationship bullshit that was covered in mainstream, non-race biased media thirty years ago, and wasn’t even really comedically relevant … Finish reading this sumbitch!

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Oh, Well, That’s OK Then…

    So I guess all that fuss in 1993 over Michael Jackson molestering kids was all bunk! Contactmusic reports: “Dr. Klein, [Jacko's 'skin doctor'] insists Jackson did not molest the boy, and says the reason he could describe Jackson’s genitals is because Jackson liked to pee in front of other people. Dr. Klein said Jackson thought it was funny. Klein says there were numerous times when Jackson would pee in the doctor’s home – around groups of people, including children.” The only reason the boy could identify the discolorations in Jacko’s junk (may we never have to say that phrase again, even one more time) was because he whipped it out a lot and peed in front of everyone. Well, Jesus, why didn’t you just say so? Klein is totally right in saying that “prosecutors would have failed to bring charges against Jackson if the case had gone to trial.” What jury in the world would convict a man for performing private bodily functions in front of kids because he thought it was funny? Hey kids, it’s Michael the Indecent Exposure Clown! Ha ha ha! Aren’t we having a great time watching excrement exit a penis striped brown and white like a lemur’s tail, belonging to the emaciated man who defied the laws of nature and changed his race? WHY ARE YOU CRYING???

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