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Tag Archives: china
What Did You Do With Your Day?
A blind activist was arrested in China, apparently because his guide dog is a dick and led the poor bastard to believe he had been led almost anywhere other than China. You think protesting in Iran is tough, check this out: you can be arrested in China for even petitioning the government. The guy had two choices. He could accept his position and hang out sewing Jordans for American kids during the day, and cap it off with a twelve hour shift of mining gold in Warcraft. OR, he could evade a bunch of 24/7 guards, scale a fucking wall, and hitch a ride to Beijing to get some sweet sweet asylum in the American embassy, single-handedly making Hilary Clinton’s life a million times more difficult than it already was, being a woman and all. Oh, yeah, and this one man pissed off the Chinese government so much he got a buttload of words banned from Chinese internet – – words like, I shit you not, ‘blind man’ and ‘The Shawshank Redemption.’ The guy is a super-hero. Which begs the question, how bad must sighted prisoners all over the world feel that a blind guy was able to do what literally 99.5% of them are unable to accomplish? I mean, what is it about our prisoners that is keeping them from getting out of what is arguably the worst situation anyone can possibly be in? Oh. I guess if they focused some of the attention they devote to having sex with each other to the pursuit of freedom, they might be able to do almost as much as one blind Chinese guy. But hey, if you care more about non-consensual gay sex than freedom…
Don’t Get Surgery, Get An Agent
A few months back, Scumbag Style brought to your attention a serious parenting fail involving an Indian family and their miracle spider child that could have grown up to be New Delhi’s most badass masked avenger. Barring that, she could have remained the living Hindu godthe ignorant rurals had already made her, collecting riches and fame and endless cunnilingus from her personal harem. But no! They had to go and “fix” her, further homogenizing Eurasia into the blandest place that smells like shit on Earth, and not the comic book mecca of justice and cleavage it might have been, replete with onomatopoeic violence bubbles and grappling hooks. That was all not to mention the schooling she could potentially have given those Bollywood hussies, all tryin’ to use their inhuman sexiness to distract us from the fact their evolutionarily inferior number of extremities. But the surgery was a “success,” and now other parents are feeling empowered to deprive their children of their most basic and innocent dreams. Like this mutant turtle kid in China: Dad Maimaiti Musai said: “We were told surgery wasn’t possible when he was very young so we waited. But the growth got bigger and harder and became like a turtle shell. (der SUN) You cured your son of being a Ninja fucking Turtle? Can your deranged – – nay, diseased mind possibly comprehend the implications arising from the damage you have done? I – – I… fffffuuuuh… hold on. Despite my clenched, grinding teeth of incredulous rage, I have forced myself to count to ten, and rub one out* for good, calm measure. I want to make myself perfectly clear, so there is no chance of misunderstanding. I was born in 1984. Between the ages of three and eleven or so, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were … Finish reading this sumbitch!