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Tag Archives: blow
Hate Never Felt So Good
(Keep in mind, I abegan writing this article before the outrageously amazing game on Sunday in which the Patriots schooled Tim Tebow and Christ Hisself. The shitty part is, Tebow actually showed up to play this week, like he hasn´t since I´ve been paying attention. The article still holds true, but feel free to add a heavy undertone of smug, poor-winnerishness to the voice you have in your head while reading this. Or get Chris Daughtry to read it aloud to you in bed. He must be out of work by now.) When Peyton Manning died, or was raped insensate by mutant squirrels, or whatever happened to him so that he couldn´t play anymore, I admit I felt a little lost. I wasn´t sure my NFL experience would be as full, as magical, as fulfilling as it was when I had a clearly defined antagonist. Someone to hate passionately, almost for no good reason except that it was fun to watch him fail. And he usually delivered. Manning was as key to my enjoyment of football as the Patriots ever were. Careful what you wish for, as your mom said before she bit my dick. Peyton is gone, and the void he left nigh unfillable – – What´s that? The NFL has a special gift just for me? On Tim Tebow, Peyton Manning´s douche-pants actually look a little tight. Tim Tebow who plays like shit for three and half quarters, then happily divvies up the credit for a squeak-by win between himself and his fucking god. I mean, this guy is a real piece of canine fecal matter. While he´s luxuriating on his knees on the side-lines, his team is busy cleaning up his mess and pulling out another against-the-odds win. He´d contribute more in that position as a team … Finish reading this sumbitch!
Check Out This Scumbag – December
This guy is awesome. Only watch this video long enough to get the idea, because the story degenerates into a story about a seriously fucked over by god sick little girl who got screwed over by a bullshit faith healer, still has a horrible disease, and yet somehow still believes in god and sings to Jesus. Pretty tragic stuff. But seriously, how great is this: Let´s hear it for Dateline, breaking from the norm with an interesting story! I mean, it finishes as some circle jerk comfort story about how everybody´s faith is justified, and that poor little girl is having the living shit confused out of her as we speak, but CPS doesn´t respond to calls about spiritual child abuse. Believe me, I have tried several times. Once, I tried to have them round up kids at the creation museum in Kentucky – just some friendly advice to save them a huge hassle in the very near future – and let´s just say we haven´t invented a law about feeding impressionable children horse shit just yet. Anyway, shit, was the first half of that video awesome. Like Van Morrison´s Moondance, and that movie Enough. That is some Jon Davis, haunted house zombie Jesus type shit, and I dig the cut of his jib. I wish I had thought of it! I mean, you can play on peoples´ fear of dying to make money, and have a blast with it? All of these evangelical preachers-for-profit are non-believers preying on the feeble of mind, spirit, and body for those super nice suits and nights of endless gay hookers and blow, we all know that. But I always imagined that was the payoff for spouting a bunch of bullshit you don´t believe to the same tune as everyone else, and having a … Finish reading this sumbitch!