(Pictured left and far right: two people more qualified to run a country than the one fist pumping like a shot horse having a seizure.)

If I wake up to this being a dream, I’ll be unhappy, mostly because it didn’t happen, but also because my sheets will be inordinately crusty. Whether or not you were conscious of her name, you would definitely recognize Andrea “Corky’s Three Holes” Friedman as the go to Down Syndrome actress for film and television for the last, I don’t know, 70 years? You can never tell how old those people are. Anyway, I’m not a big reader of the credits at the end of visual entertainment pieces; in fact, when I go to people’s houses I take a car key to their DVDs to enhance their pre-1960′s movie viewing experience, because the people who give a shit who it was that understudied for Fred Astaire’s dance troupe in Holiday Inn will probably wait until the end. So I didn’t realize Andrea voiced the character on Family Guy with Down Syndrome that Chris dates and realizes is a horrible person, and that also made an offhand reference to being related to Sarah Palin, who shit herself over it on the Palin Channel. Here’s what Andrea had to say about Palin’s attack on FG creator Seth MacFarlane:

My name is Andrea Fay Friedman. I was born with Down syndrome. I played the role of Ellen on the “Extra Large Medium” episode of Family Guy that was broadcast on Valentine’s day. Although they gave me red hair on the show, I am really a blonde. I also wore a red wig for my role in ” Smudge” but I was a blonde in “Life Goes On”.

Ok, not that part. I will send you a cookie by UPS if you send me your address, because I am very very proud of you for knowing your colors. Alright, so not the strongest opening, but probably easier to recover from than, “My name is Andrea Friedman and when I hold my cheeks apart I can make butt music,” and then cackling like an asthmatic cow. Or it could be a clever ploy to exaggerate just how big her family’s bicycle helmet budget is, so that this bites all the harder:

I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska” was very funny. In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.

Classic burn! I believe the popular colloquialism, “You just got served by a retard,” is applicable here. I want to liquefy this moment, put it in a syringe, and shoot it straight into my bulbous mushroom cap. Sarah’s been railing about how naturally sweet and innocent people with mental handicaps are, how much hardship they endure, and she just got ownt – nay, dismantled by one. The only response available to the portion of the American public with appropriately spaced eyes is to give Sarah Palin a daily swirly and/or Clorox wedgie, the kind where you pour bleach down the underpants at the point in the wedgie when the pucker is most vulnerable. Come to think of it, a Clorox swrly would be pretty funny too. This is like getting your ass kicked on the playground by the kid in the scoliosis brace, except you’re planning a run for President in three years.

I think the word is “sarcasm”.

Shoot and a miss. No applesauce for you tonight, Andrea. Get back in your cage and think about all those vocabulary lessons we spent so much money on. In fact, Family Guy‘s brand of humor relies heavily on satire, a form of comedy Palin herself insists blankets acceptable use of the word “retard.” Of course, she either knew Rush Limbaugh’s use of it had nothing to do with parody, and just went for it anyway because she knew no one would call her out on her glaring hypocrisy a few days later in bashing Seth MacFarlane, or she didn’t know, and we don’t have to do a genetic test to find out why Trig will never be able to turn the drool faucet off.