Dance! Dance for me, America! And give me your plump little boys!
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean the Vatican isn’t conducting a clumsy shadow war against the United States. Seriously, judging by the color coded yarn connecting newspaper articles across my bedroom walls, there have been a few too many kooky coincidences for my overactive imagination to simply dismiss like so much Costa Rican hooker.
Just just just just look. Look at this news from Kansas, where Republicans are advancing a bill that would legalize discrimination and bullying of homosexuals in that state, so long as it is done for religious reasons. But that isn’t really the news, is it? Republicans have been playing chicken with blatantly medieval laws since Obama took office, kind of playing keep-away with the Bill of Rights. That’s just the cover story, the part to keep your impotent moral outrage diverted from the puppeteers:
“…one of the sponsors of this bill is the Kansas Catholic Conference.” (Addicting Info)
I was never familiarized with the semantics of passing bills, but sponsoring? Like a pizza joint sponsors a pee-wee soccer team? Do they get to just slap a crucifix right on the law so that everyone who reads it starts watering at the mouth for Christ? Or are they just signing their names to the preliminary paperwork to go ahead and influence policy directly, without paying us?
The church would like you to know that they are only sponsoring those sexy tight pants.
Whatever. If you think this is an isolated incident, you have been playing right into the hands of the MAN. You’re blind, man, you’re bliiiiind. Check out Arizona, where a law was just defeated that would have made contraception harder to get for working women, and would have severely violated their privacy in that very personal regard. Dance, lonely goatherd, dance!
The Republican-sponsored bill is supported by social conservatives and Roman Catholic bishops who say it protects the religious freedom of all employers by allowing them to use the opt-out privilege now extended only to religious entities. (Slate)
There they are again! The Catholics have enjoyed enormous imput on so many laws affecting the lives of so many Americans, I doubt if most of you even notice. In fact, if you dig, if you really dig, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops have been behind at least 28 specific passed and unpassed laws, just in the 112th Congress, as well as innumerable general legislative issues they choose to meddle with.
And if they’re not sponsoring, they’re desponsoring. A couple of years back, Washington was deciding on its gay marriage policy. If it passed, The Catholic Church made it very clear that they would personally let hundreds of homeless people starve to death. Not the most valuable hostages. This country really responds to little blond girls in danger, but the strategy did prove rather effective, after all.
28 laws. That’s not including other Catholic organizations at the state level, not to mention other religious denominations and cults. At what point is that number high enough to constitute a covert invasion? The Vatican is a state unto itself, don’t forget. If the Russians had this many spies in such high places, we’d start executing Jews and MSNBC pundits, just to feel like we were doing something productive.
Dah, boinking is for babies, comrade.
Don’t even think about comparing my completely sober warnings of total Papist takeover to the hubbub over JFK when he ran. That was a whole different conspiracy in which people were trying to keep a walking erection out of the highest office in the land, just so he wouldn’t hand the keys to the red button over to whatever celebrity hooker won the Easter Sunday blowjob contest. A noble purpose, indeed, but at least JFK was a Democrat that wouldn’t consider allowing church to incur any farther on state than it already had. Shit, would Kennedy have even considered outlawing contraception, as Rick Santorum has expressed gleeful interest in attempting? A whole drawer in JFK’s Oval Office desk was devoted to Trojan storage. That is not the profile of a man that would make any woman have a baby if she didn’t want to.
Just because the suspicion of the takeover of Roman Popery fell flat fifty years ago, doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid concern now. Now, with a conservative Catholic supported by the bulk of the American Religious Right doing far too well in the polls for those who have ever picked up a history book. Now, when a sponsorship from a religious organization actually bolsters a bill’s chance of passing. Now, when the blind, 300 year-old acolytes that live in ancient cellars beneath the Vatican are preparing to open the huge iron gates and let the thirteen Horrumods out to lay waste to sinful cities like Chicago and San Francisssssssco.
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