(This beautiful pastoral dreamscape of a space consuming, under-functional apartment building in the middle of nowhere brought to you by the letter knucklehead.)

I ran across this double slice of crazy a while ago, and almost immediately dismissed it as that kind of crazy everyone tolerates because no one takes it seriously, like the black guy that puts on flamboyant costumes and dances while yelling at cars on the corner of Fort Apache and Sahara. Not really hurting anyone, been doing it for years, kind of comfortable like a birthmark shaped like testicles: always been there, not pretty but amusing nonetheless. Now I’m thinking that this Jacque Fresco guy and his Venus Project is less like a harmless dancing brother and more like the ginger kid throwing pennies off of bridges (What? Gingers are troubled): Probably a little crazy, and definitely dangerous. I had a nice, enjoyable little post on boobs to write today, but let’s look at this French “scientist” and his 25 year old project a little more closely first, because he is now my favorite person.

I was reintroduced to the concept of The Venus Project by a buddy of mine that is a big fan of Fresco’s. I won’t say my friend’s name because he’s the reason we’re talking about science and not the pleasanter subject of boobs, and I don’t want you throwing rocks at his loved ones. So I went back and familiarized myself with the concepts, in order that I might participate in the discussion. They seem capable of summing it up in a video lasting 1:50, so I’ll take a stab at it, and you can head over to the site later and tell me how much my being right makes you want to have my babies anally. The concept is simple: Restructure society to reflect Humanity’s advanced technological stage of development, creating a moneyless society in which robots build awesome stuff like underwater cities and other cool stuff Gene Roddenberry might have envisioned. Also, look at the pretty Photoshopped future pictures.

You just invented socialism! Don’t take that as an insult, dude. I’m on board. When can we roll up our sleeves, and how can we make it happen? Let’s do the FAQ, an ages old business dance in which promises are made, and still nobody goes home satisfied. Kind of like if grinding had a mission statement. Still, with such a simple concept, there’s got to be at least some answers, right? After the cut…

It calls for a straightforward redesign of our culture in which the age-old problems of war, poverty, hunger, debt, and unnecessary human suffering are viewed not only as avoidable, but as totally unacceptable… [Rock. How?] Overpopulation, energy shortages, global warming, environmental pollution, water scarcity, economic catastrophe, the spread of uncontrollable disease, and the technological displacement of people by machines threaten each of us… [You covered that. How to make go away bad things?] Earth is abundant and has plentiful resources. Our practice of rationing resources through monetary control is no longer relevant and is counter-productive to our survival. We could easily create a world of abundance for all, free of servitude and debt based on the carrying capacity of Earth resources…* [Global community without money. Ok, how?] The single most important aspect of the project is the social direction of all nations working together on the restoration of the environment in a resources-based economy… [Oh, I read the hundreds of remaining paragraphs, but it is my job to make sure you don't have to. Weaker minds would get used to it and thinkt his is how an argument is framed.]

The single most important aspect of a real project is an idea, not an application in the absence of ideas. What you’ve got is nothing, except maybe the boring Utopia parts of a science fiction novel. And maybe some kind of intangible Darth Vader that could be the Human race, or maybe a venomous Cheneyesque imaginary friend that manifests as “hunger” and “debt.” You spout about the technological displacement of Human beings by machines, then say how awesome it would be if robots had AI and built all our buildings (and each other) so we can all sit back with a relaxing mimosa. You propose ideas for cars that sense each other and never crash, but you are not a mechanic. You’re spouting talking points like any third grader could: “Hunger and car crashes are bad, and robots are cool, and daddy cries because he’s in debt, and mermaids and cool explosions!” And you can’t hug with nuclear arms, don’t you know that? For the love of Lennon, give it a rest. Perhaps I’m being unfair. Mayhap there is some literature I might further peruse?

Enter The Venus Project’s online store, where Fresco’s books (plural) on the subject can be bought for $24.95, as well as some DVDs and a $100 autographed collection of Fresco’s masturbatory futuristic Photoshops.  If you don’t like the bartering system, the site reminds you cash donations are just as easy. Am I a dick for declaring Fresco a scumbag before reading said books and immersing myself in his bold new world? No, and I’ll tell you why. One reason is that I am so much of a dick already it’s like that old saying, “I’m soaked so I can’t get wetter,” so Frenchy isn’t about to “make me” anything.

But also, the very existence of the store itself makes Fresco the most evil genius ever. How fucking awesome is it that he can decry money, and then sell stuff? For a lot of money, considering! Oral Roberts could not have died fast enough for this guy to get his project moving. Why? Because he would have called and asked for his gig back, though he wouldn’t get it. Because religion is sputtering to a halt, and less people are being duped by the ole, “Jesus says money is bad, so give me half of yours,” routine. More and more, people are coming to the conclusion that religious people are like a family lying in bed with their dead grandmother because they aren’t capable of letting go yet. Or a thirty-year old man writing a letter to Santa Claus. “Spirituality” is a word generally bandied about by ditsy girls who want to look smart and whose two eyes are not sufficient for the shiners deserved by saying, “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual.” But science! That has been up-and-coming since the Dark Ages, and it is like The Shins: an indie band that Zach Braff said was cool, so it is alright for little girls to dig it.

You may ask, “Why, Mark, if the project hasn’t evolved in 25 years and nobody of any intelligence gives it credence, is it dangerous? Why is this a relevant topic for a rag that covers only the most elite of scumbags?” I asked myself that, and that is how I know it is a good question. Your questions usually suck, so you should be proud of that one. The biggest answer is that it’s 25 years old! Holy crap, that means he has sustained this thing solely on people buying crap from his stores. He’s like a bad magician that doesn’t have to reveal how he did it, because he didn’t! He just waved pictures of oval shaped apartment buildings, that look like Asimov threw up all over them, to distract these people. But the underlying, and scarier question is: Who are these people that have bought his crap religiously enough to sustain him and keep him in gay little hats for 25 years?

The answer is, remarkably, closet religious nuts. My buddy – - remember him? the one who brought this whole discussion about in the first place – - answered my skepticism with some of the most awesomely alarming shit I have ever heard someone in my immediate vicinity say outside of church where they’re paid to say alarming shit. Here’s some choice stuff,* with the most relevant stuff (read: holy mother of shit) italicized by me:

The only difference between science fiction and the venus project is science fiction is a genre of novel and the venus project is a real solution to our planets real problems. Utopia’s are fictional and impossible, but solutions are scientific and beneficial… The only way this project will manifest is through the collective understanding that all earths inhabitants are responsible for all of earth. There will be no sides. I know its hard to grasp such an amazing idea but I promise that once we do, we will look back to where we stand now and laugh in disgust at the way we once lived and treated each other… I have no problem letting go of anyone who will not try to learn... I also realize that there will be a necessary shift in perception on a large ass scale for this to be. The shift is happening and I feel no guilt in watching all the killers kill each other. I choose to survive. Therefore I will not own a gun or stand in the way of anyone’s path to truth… Acknowledge your responsibility to uplift the conciousness of the entire fucking world… Hopefully I will live to see humans recognizing humans as humans and not as christians, atheists, or muslims. P.S.- I’d like to see you there.

I bet you would, Jimmy Jonestown. It didn’t work for Charlie Manson, and it won’t work for you. That kind of rhetoric is like two weeks away from drinking the poisoned Kool-Aid, and for the life of me I don’t know where he got half of it. I admit to mostly scanning the FAQ, but I’d put money on their not being talk of letting people kill each other in there. But it worked, and on enough people that Jacque Fresco could clearly afford the latest edition of the entire Adobe suite with all the bells and whistles, for doing literally nothing but think happy thoughts and write them down. I generously didn’t just string together the italicized parts up there, even though it would have made for some real exciting readin’, but I will be damned if Fresco is going to replace one form of fundamentalism for another, and let his cultists be the spokespeople for science. Because science’s turn is coming around damned soon, with Obama refocusing NASA’s efforts and Oral Roberts safely in his grave (until he comes back as a zombie because his god don’t want him), and the danger [that you asked about a couple paragraphs back] is that these people could be leading the charge instead of people like that Hawking guy that isn’t president for no good goddamned reason. Like I said, Fresco is basically my favorite person this week, but if he’s going to be running the joint, we won’t be able to run to Canada this time.

PS: As far as I can tell, the Venus Project has nothing to do with Venus. I guess Robot Spaceship Speedboat Initiative didn’t sound cool enough.

*By the way, each of these ellipses (the dot dot dot things) span literally several circular paragraphs of repeating the same rhetoric. Hunger bad! Kind of like a Hulk Smash thing, only as Bruce Banner.

** This is not in the interest of making fun of said friend, but to illustrate the point. Frankly it isn’t his fault, if you think about it. People have been falling for this trick forever, people’s good intentions become buzzwords around some pretty scary stuff — Ooo! Kool-Aid!