That new acronym stands for “Not Safe For Brains,” a moniker that could safely be applied to an ad in Miami Living Magazine that’s causing more of an unjustified uproar than Snooki getting her well-deserved knuckle sammich. Turns out EstablishedMen.com, a dating site seemingly designed to cut out the middle (class) man, slipped what prudes and the humorless are calling a bit of not-safe-for-workery into their ad space in the popular magazine. See if you can spot it…

Um, excuse me, miss, you have a little uh... nevermind.

Oh, for crissakes FOX News! It isn’t enough that you are the leading supplier of termites to the foundation of our rapidly crumbling Fourth Estate, you have to be the asshole neighbor kid that comes over and circles all the instances of Waldo in our books? Trust me, I can bloodhound a dick joke, I don’t need your help.

“”Did they not see this, or have magazines become so desperate for ad space that they’ll ‘overlook’ something like this?” media and publishing expert Penny C. Sansevieri asked FoxNews.com. “But I find that every time something like this happens it elevates the exposure, good or bad – and issues will get snapped up very quickly.” (HuffPost)

I feel like these are the questions you ask after the really glaring ones are addressed. Such as: “What exactly is the marketing angle here?” Is this a dating site for men with unfortunate, God-despises-you type birthmark fetishes? Is God a fifth grader with an infantile sense of humor? Or were these two young ladies taking turns mammorially pleasuring this disembodied member at the exact moment of nuclear holocaust, and the image of a cock was permanently nuclear shadowed on the blond’s chest?

When the aliens discovered the devastation of WWIII, a grave misunderstanding would forever label Chicago "City of Trannies" across the Galaxy.

I’m just saying, how is the image of another dude’s pecker – a pecker belonging, presumably, to an infuriatingly well-endowed professional penis model – going to persuade me to bring my “gold digging slut” dollar to your company? Perhaps the ad illustrates the porn training all of the site’s female members received at some kind of Trophy Whore finishing school on how to look at the camera, no matter what, despite an impending money shot. I could see how that might intrigue me enough for a closer look, it’s a valuable skill. If that’s not the case, what are they looking at, his wallet? I don’t want my menage-a-trois to dissemble into shouts of, “I’m over here ladies!” The least you could do is pretend the most fascinating thing in the world to your girls is my manhood.

So, the issue isn’t how the ad got into Miami Living with a sexually suggestive image, or even why the Uptight Republican Brigade has their secret crotchless panties in a bunch over an ad that shows less than a high school anatomy text, but what the agency thought the site would get out of it in the first place.

“When we created the ad, we never imagined a magazine like Miami Living would approve it, but judging by the amount of sign-ups we received since the magazine has come out, this ‘shadow penis’ ad seems to work and might become a staple of our campaign,” the [Established Men] rep said.

Atta boy! When life gives you lemonade… um, Sharpie the hell out of the advertising landscape until it resembles the bathroom at a home for sex addicted middle-school boys? Proverbs and adages were never my gift. He continued: “This ad is definitely a true reflection of what EstablishedMen.com is all about – connecting professional men with beautiful women for mutually beneficial relationships.” Fuck eHarmony and their 27 levels of compatibility! That sciencey shit is for short-sighted suckers with scruples about putting the same pair of white-haired, wrinkly nuts in their mouth for a couple of years for the big pay day on the horizon. Personality breeds congeniality, but fellatio is faster… io. Whatever, I’m not your rhyme monkey.

Oh! … but anal is fiscal? Or facile. You know what I mean.