10/24/09

This guy showed up to Las Vegas’ Second Annual Zombie Walk as a freshly exhumed Billy Mays, complete with a tub o’ Oxiclean and the trademark, lady devastating beard/blue shirt combo. It is just too soon to be making jokes about a recently deceased man whose whole life was spent making a joke of himself. For one thing, he can’t make money off it anymore. Another: there was no Jacko or Teddy Kennedy representation, and that just leaves an unforgiveable recently-dead-celebrity gap that I know none of us can live with.

Otherwise, the Zombie Walk went off without a hitch, with about a couple hundred splendidly made up people shuffling and groaning down the length of the Fremont Street Experience. A lot of attention was lavished on the group from surprised tourists, from delightful cooing to old timers demanding we not have organized official fun in the funnest city on the planet. Picture a couple hundred Zombies giving your grandpa the finger and you’ll see just how much fun this was.

There was even a Zombie in a wheelchair being pushed by another Zombie, which frankly seemed to me like cheating. She was already half dead, so she had a whole lot of practice on us. And as any apocalypse enthusiast will tell you, the whole scenario is inaccurate. Zombies will not team up for mutual benefit like genetically enhanced sharks will. It’s just not done.

Eventually, the street ended, and one whole end of the Fremont Street Experience was clogged with undead, most of which had decided it was time to stop acting and chain smoke. Those graced with a birth pre-1988 were invited upstairs to buy booze, listen to Halloween themed tunes, and… ride a mechanical bull? Oh, why not. Come for the mechanical bull, stay for all the chicks that showed up because it was the only way they were going to get laid at that special time of the month. Mazel tov!