(Story-board from Under The Smallpox Sheets, a period piece. The dialogue will be something like, “What are you doing with that Maize?”)

So much of the Internet pornography library is devoted to what we will call “Erotic Schadenfreude,” the feeling watching somebody suffer can offer another person. But where can a scumbag go when he’s seen the same stable of lesser beings beaten over and over with the same riding crop, or a redundancy of the same humiliated losers in tutus watching their purported wives get boned? Where does the jaded, discriminating erotica enthusiast go when the rape scenes seem forced and insincere and every french maid on the planet seems to have been spanked? And seriously, does anybody find those ridiculous leather and metal and latex suits sexy anymore?

I have an idea. It’s not a long term solution, but something to hold us over until the next genius of perversion invents a genre that will sprain wrists for at least a decade. I call it “Disillusionment Porn,” and you are going to spend hours in the company restroom thinking about it. It is all about the moment when you see all innocence drain from someone’s face in the course of thirty seconds, or the horror of having a life-long belief ripped from the very bowels of your soul and the resulting mess. Only disillusionment porn will take it to the next level, and use sex to make sure each subject’s internal concept of virtue and goodness is reduced to the part of the animal the dogs won’t eat off the floor.

Here are some treatments I’ve devised to give you, the reader, an idea of what I mean, and a starting block for producers in case they want to gank my idea and give me moneys. You’ll notice that several of them will fit neatly into various sub-categories and niche genres like granny porn and incest. We’ll start with the obvious:

Holly Bears the Frown – Setting: A Catholic school classroom, December. Holly (played by a member of the barely 18 set, I’m not going to jail for this) is very excited for Christmas this year, and expounds to her classmates all the goodies she hopes to receive from Santa Claus for being such a good girl. Her classmates taunt her for believing in Santa Claus at an age when she is clearly able to develop curves and get breast implants. They point out all of the reasons Santa cannot exist, and tell her it is actually her parents putting the gifts under the tree. Holly’s eyes widen, and begin to tear up, her lip starts to tremble; she is clearly devastated by the news. Her classmates then bend her over a desk and take turns fucking her, using her tears of disillusionment as lube, as she retreats into herself, contemplating why anyone chooses good over evil without the omnipresent moral compass of a fat slave driver with flying reindeer. (Alternate idea: “White Christmas.” Same scenario, only all of Sally’s classmates have big black cocks exclusively. I know, it’s niche.)

Somewhere Obscene - Setting: American Suburb. Throughout Dick’s courtship of Jane, she has been an attentive, loving companion. She cooks delicious meals, and even cleans his shoddy bachelor pad while he’s at work. She’s even a pretty good lay. He sees no reason he shouldn’t marry her. Fast forward to nine months after the marriage. The house hasn’t been clean in weeks, they’ve eaten Taco Bell every day, and Jane’s pregnancy has started to show. A new round of layoffs is coming at the office, and Dick’s mother-in-law is coming to live the spare room that was originally designated as his office. It has all been coming for months, but never before the moment his shitty, cheap gin runs out while surveying the new nursery does the magnitude of how screwed he is hits him. He falls to his knees, yells “WHY?!” at the ceiling, before his mother-in-law’s Mahjong group comes in and rapes him with strap-ons.

Play My Guy - Setting: Santa Monica. Jimmy spent his entire childhood playing video games, learning the ins and outs of every aspect of the industry, forsaking the outside world, a social life, and his volunteer work. His mother said he was wasting his time and that it would lead to nothing, and Jimmy was determined to prove her wrong. One day, his hours of gaming paid off and he landed his dream job: a video game tester at Blizzard headquarters. He would be able to play his games all day — and get paid to do it! On his first day on the job, he soon realized that being a video game tester amounts to hours and hours of tedious, mind-numbing work, playing the same levels over and over again looking for minute, insignificant glitches. At the end of the day, he is tired and disillusioned. As he picks up his coat to leave, his mother bursts into his office dressed like Bowser and power rapes him while yelling “I told you so!” over and over again.

Modern Magdalene – Setting: Wherever, US. Sheena is a good Christian, and wants only to witness Christ’s goodness to anyone that gives her an opportunity. All of her acquaintances think she’s a pious little twat. When, at one time, Sheena quotes the gospel verse in which Jesus says that people are blessed who persevere in their belief in him even when people challenge them or make fun of them, one of her friends points out the unbelievable ridiculousness of that statement, and all of the color runs out of her face in one moment of terrifying clarity. She then turns to vile Requiem For a Dream style prostitution because there really is no reason to try anymore, and her friends like her now because of what she will do for a quarter and half of a three day old tuna sandwich.

Too Old to Rock and Roll - A DJ whose life has just moved up from Bat Mitzvahs to running the local karaoke bar thinks he has done pretty well for himself until a patron points out to him that his artist directory for “Tull, Jethro” makes him an insufferable retard who should not be trusted with dispensing music to anyone. Disillusioned, not only by the fact that Jethro Tull is a band and not a person as he believed his whole life, but by the fact that his life’s ambitions have been nothing but fraud, the DJ quits his job, loses his studio apartment, and ends up homeless ally’s new prison bitch. (Sorry, the first part of that actually happened recently, and I wanted to express my dissatisfaction.)

Fail to the Chief - Setting: Washington D.C., the White House. An idealistic young senator is elected President of the United States under a platform of progressive reform, only to find out that the system of special interest groups, campaign contributors, and incompetent financial management techniques he has inherited will force him to deal with war and depression instead of the issues he promised his constituents he would work on. Staring down the barrel of four years of declining faith in Humanity, and the ultimate powerlessness of his office, the President huddles fetally on his desk sucking his thumb, while an endless train of pundits and politicians is run on his ass, each thrust pushing him closer and closer to the fabled Red Button that will finally put him out of his misery.

If you made it this far in one sitting with both hands above the keyboard, you have more restraint than me, good reader. Remember, the trick is to make the sex angle the insult that compounds the injury, and it is always better if they cry. When I win all kinds of Woodies for this, and they shower me with more money and bitches than I know what to do with, I promise to hire a team of monkeys to continue to provide quality Scumbag Style entertainment.